On Having the Blues

Breakfast:  Grape and Strawberry Fruit Salad

Lunch:  Carrots, Cucumbers and red pepper with reduced fat houmous

Dinner:  Chicken Stirfry

Exercise:  None

Thoughts:

Ok, something has happened.  I slept like the dead last night but I have woken up with a case of the blues.  The feeling of doom and gloom.  A feeling of hatred and upset over my body.  I have been on the verge of tears all day with some pretty ugly thoughts going through my head.  Even when my working colleague and fellow fitness buddy (who is an ex fitness instructor) was telling me how fabulous his workout was I didn't even muster my usual interest (he's been a great support for me and we have been supporting each other) and I just wanted to tell him to shut up.

I had a cry in the bathroom before a meeting with a supplier and today I actually wanted to carb out on toast.  I wanted to take the loaf of bread in the kitchen at work and toast it all and eat it.  The craving was massive.  The thing is I thought I got over the craving!!!!!!!  So I was feeling shitty about that.

Today was shit.  It was so shockingly bad.  I stuck to eating perfectly but I kept on thinking, why am I doing this?  I'm fat.  I will never get there.  I will never get into my jeans.

I know that this is all bull shit but for some reason I am feeling this way.  I honestly don't know why.
Tomorrow I have a great session lined up with Kathryn and I know I will be back to normal then.  So in the meantime I will just cry into my peppermint tea.

On the First Little Victory

Breakfast:  Porridge with fresh blueberries, raspberries and strawberries

Lunch:  Spinach and chicken pasta salad with cashews and a teriyaki sauce

Dinner:  Chicken Stirfry

Dessert:  My last Muller Light Vanilla with a Cherry under layer....soooooooooooooooooo good!!!

Exercise:  Kathryn's circuit

Thoughts:

I decided to go to the gym in the evening for 2 reasons.  First, my boyfriend's snores kept me up all night.  I even recorded them, played them back (he didn't think he snored) and I have given him an ultimatum....either get it sorted or I move into the spare bedroom.  Simple.

And Kathryn is in work in the evening in the gym.  Why?  I'm not stalking her but having her there will help push me in my workout.

But the main thing is today I recorded my first victory.

I was feeling groggy and tired so today I decided to wear my new bootcut jeans.  I bought these cheap as my fat jeans as I was lacking in a pair of boot cut jeans.  I have worn these twice and both times they have given me a very unflattering muffin top.  Well, today they don't!

Yup!  My jeans are fitting me nicely.  There is no muffin top and they are feeling and looking good.  I could easily pull the waistband out.  And before you doubters start making conspiracy theories....these jeans were freshly washed.

Yes, I fit into a pair of jeans that were tight and when I put them on, they were freshly washed....no jeans dance!!!!  Life.  Is.  Good!!!!

So I am taking this little victory and going with it!  It is proof that what I am doing is working.  I have noticed that the no dairy angle is also very good.  No tummy cramps, no bloating, no feeling gross.  So I think that I have tackled that issue.

All I need to do is get the boyfriend to sort his snoring problem out!!

It's All About Technique and Sweet Potato Fries

Breakfast:  Grapes and Strawberries

Lunch:  Veggies and Houmous

Dinner:  chicken and salad

Exercise:  A much needed rest!

Thoughts:

Sorry for not blogging yesterday.  Yesterday I was completely and utterly shattered.

You see, yesterday I had an epic session with my trainer.  I didn't increase the weights or anything like that.  I improved my technique.

You see, when you are lifting weights, it's important to make sure your technique is spot on.  When I was doing my clean and press, I wasn't getting the right depth in my squat.  Well, yesterday, I nailed it!!!  It was hard.  But I did it!

My bench press, squats, lunges, weighted push ups, dead lift and shoulder press were all perfect.  And by doing my weights with the perfect technique I am feeling it today!!!

I hit a new standard that I have to uphold which is amazing.  I felt like Wonder Woman.  It's a feeling that I cannot describe.  It's a rush and it feels better than eating a cake or a plate of cheese.

I am hurting in places that I didn't know existed!  My abs are killing me!!!  The funny thing is that I didn't do any ab workouts!!!!  It was the fact that I had perfect technique for my clean and press that I worked my abs.

I know now when I do my circuit tomorrow I need to keep this standard up and push myself to the limit.  And that is what I intend on doing.

Today I also decided that my dinner needed to be jazzed up so I found an easy recipe for Sweet Potato Fries.  Now Kathryn said that I should try to put sweet potatoes in my diet as they are a great source of carbs and they provide more useful nutrients than regular potatoes.

So I decided to try it.  And I was impressed!!  They actually turned out ok!!!  nice and crispy on the outside and soft on the inside.  It's something else to add to my portfolio at least.

I was also looking at adding them into my diet and eat them like a baked potato with tuna on top.  I will try that and see how it goes.

On Making Progress

Weight:  14 stone 11 pounds (1 pound down)

Chest 40.5 inches (stayed the same)

Waist: 36.5 inches (1 inch lost....yes!!!)

Hips 46 1/2 inch lost....get in!!!!)

Right and Left Thighs: 22 inches (stayed the same)

Right and left Arm:  12 inches (stayed the same)

Rest Day and Cheat Day!!!!

Breakfast: 2 cookie dough pop tarts and a large Soy Vanilla Latte From Starbucks

Lunch:  Southern fried chicken wrap

Dinner:  boneless chicken strips and popcorn chicken and potato wedges

Drinks: 2 glasses of valpolicella (the Italian in me cannot resist red wine!!) and 2 glasses of champagne

Thoughts:

I would be lying if I wanted to have lost more weight. But looking at the lost inches....I will take it. Kathryn is changing my plan up in 2 weeks. The cheats days are going not be weekly anymore but thinking about it I would rather have a flat toned tummy and thighs that didn't touch than a cookie dough pop tart.

I also did most of my vision board today. I put pictures of the abs I want, the butt I want, the dress I want to wear for my birthday and a gorgeous ab baring 2 piece for summer that I need to rock!!! (So tempted to buy it now....) 

I feel confident still. Today when I got my nails done I dressed up, put some make up on and felt gorgeous. 

I am actually seeing changes. Yesterday, I saw the triangle form. That is the line that is under the ribs on the start of your abs. My tummy is going in. My skin is looking brighter. Kathryn said that weight loss might slow down that's why she is going to change my program to keep my body guessing.

I am also stopping my dairy intake as I think the cottage cheese is making me feel bloated. We'll try it as a precaution.

Tomorrow I am back on it with Kathryn and I must say I'm looking forward to it. I want to be back into as weigh day is on Friday and not Saturday because I'm going to Amsterdam (which will have its own challenges) on Friday evening. 

So I will do what I can and i will push for good results!!!

On The Friday Pre-Weigh In Nerves and my Shiny Star

Breakfast:  Strawberry and Grape Fruit Salad

Lunch:  Ham salad

Dinner:  Soup and Salad

Exercise:  A heavy spinning class

Thoughts:

Today I feel quite emotional.  I think that it is the tale end of my monthly friend to be honest.  I just seriously want to curl up into a ball and cry.  Work was bad and hard today.  the boyfriend and I were at each other's throats and I even considered going for an interview at another company.  But to take that job would mean me uprooting my life and my fitness regime and starting over.  And that is not a good thing.  But I was tempted to.

I then started to think about my friend who is on a similar journey.  My boyfriend and I and even Kathryn and I have a great relationship regarding this journey of mine.

But I can't talk to them honestly like I can to my friend.  She has been there from day one.  Comforting me when I have been emotional, celebrating with me when I have lost weight, being supportive and positive when I have gained or maintained.

She has pretty much been my rock throughout this whole time.  She would probably slap me now and tell me to man up as I am tearing up as I write this.  I love her like she was my own sister and I am blessed that she is sharing this journey with me.

I am nervous about the weigh in, but I know that I will be proud of what ever it is I have achieved this week.  Why?  Because my best friend supports me.  She is indeed my shining star.

So tomorrow I go into my weigh in and I will hold my head up high. No matter what happens I will be proud of it.

On Changing my Technique

Breakfast:  Porridge with Raspberries, blueberries and strawberries

Snack:  Cucumber, Red Pepper and Carrots with Houmous

Lunch:  Jacket Potato with tuna mixed with cottage cheese and spring onion

Snack:  More veggies and houmous

Dinner:  the boyfriend decided to make me a chicken finger sandwich.  Nice....

Exercise:  An absolutely killer session with Kathryn

Thoughts:

Lately I have been working on my technique in the gym.  I used to, when doing my exercises, just go through the motions and try to get each exercise done quickly.

On Kathryn's instruction I have been slowing down and really thinking through each rep.  Making sure that it's done correctly.  When I get tired, Kathryn says to put the weight down, take a minute get your thoughts together and start again.

For example my squats used to be done so quickly. But now with the 60 kilos on my shoulders, I am getting my legs wide, and slowly squating so that I make sure that I get nice and low.  I hold it for a second and slowly back up.  That makes all the difference than just dropping down and then firing back up.  Each muscle that I am working is getting the full benefit of the exercise.  Kathryn was pleased today with my effort.

I have also made the hard decision that I need to take dairy out of my diet Monday - Friday.  The reason is that I do have a slight intolerance to dairy but it only flares up Monday - Friday.  Stress, as we all know plays a massive part in IBS flare ups.  I'm hoping that by cutting dairy out, my stomach pains will go away and I can get back to being....well....regular again!!!

Everyday I am learning more and more about my body.  I am also starting to appreciate it more.  Looking at it, it's a great machine that allows me to do the exercises that I am doing.  It is changing (Kathryn is noticing it on my lower back and the boyfriend said that my tummy looks flatter, my thighs look leaner and my butt isn't so lumpy.....my man has a way with words)

It has also got me to look at my diet a bit more in depth.  Today I am consuming 1944 calories.  I feel like I deserve these calories.  Looking at my food choices, except for dinner....I need to teach the boyfriend how to cook steak.....they are mostly good, clean, healthy foods.  I am opting for more fruits and veggies and my calories are now coming from good food.

Again, I know that I am not going to get into my goal jeans by the end of the month.  This is going to be a long journey but I have all the tools and the support system that I need.  It's up to me to do this, not anyone else.  But I have been blessed that I am in the right circumstances to make this dream come true.

On a Refreshing Night's Sleep

Breakfast:  Strawberry and Grapes

Snack:  Banana

Lunch:  Carrots, Red Peppers, cucumbers and houmous and cottage cheese

Dinner:  Beef Steaks with a side side with cottage cheese and Helmann's Extra Light Mayo

Dessert:  Muller Light Orange with Dark Chocolate Sprinkles

Exercise:  Slept through my alarm and missed my class!!!!

Thoughts:

Last night I had a sound, restful, wonderful night's sleep.  It was so good in fact that I slept through my alarm!!  D'oh!!!

I literally got to sleep so quickly it was amazing!!!!  I feel refreshed and in a lot better mood.

My fear is that using the doctor's tablets, I am going to get hooked.  I don't want to be addicted to the tablets but the tiredness is killing me.  It's a crazy situation.

I personally want a new bed.  I am not a fan of the bed that I have...the mattress isn't right.  I am secretly looking for a new bed.  I'm thinking a bigger bed with a better mattress.  That might do the trick...

I am confident that I will get this resolved.

And tomorrow is another day.  Plus I get to have a session with Kathryn tomorrow so that is a win!!!  I think that the pieces are coming together.  I am nervous about weighing in but as I said last week, I am taking this one week at a time and going with it.

On An Interesting Incident in the Gym, Getting More Active and Hitting 2000 Calories

Breakfast:  Porridge with almond milk, honey, blueberries and raspberries

Snack:  Avocado, cucumber and red pepper and houmous

Lunch:  Chicken teriyaki pasta and spinach

Snack:  Cottage Cheese

Dinner:  Chicken Stirfry with dark soy sauce, no noodles

Exercise:

Kathryn's circuit

Thoughts:

I'm still not sleeping ok.  So getting up, defrosting my car and getting to the gym was hard but I did it.

I got there and I did a halfhearted warm up and then over to hit the weights.  When I do my circuit I use a bar that weighs 20 kilos and you can add plates to each side to increase the weight.  I just use the plain 20 kilo bar.

I grabbed a bar and set myself up to start my circuit.  I completed 15 clean and press and when I finished I was catching my breath, this guy (the only way I could describe him is that he looked like a Neanderthal.) came up to me and said are you using the bar (he was watching me do my clean and press...I saw him)  I said, yes I am using the bar.  He then asked again....are you really using this?  He gave me a look that said, you?  You are really exercising?  You?  I gave him what my friend calls the goddess eyebrow and I said even louder and more assertive YES!!!!!!!!!!!!

He gave me a look like he still couldn't believe it and walked off.  I continued with my workout.  I didn't dare leave the bar and run as I know that he would have come over and taken it.

As I was finishing my last set of lunges a girl that I see that lifts weights too was looking around holding the plates to put on the bar.  I called over to her and said I'm almost finished, you can have it when I'm done.  She smiled and waited patiently.

I then finished my squats and handed her the bar and said in a loud voice, there you go darling.  Us girls that lift need to look out for each other...

The Neanderthal I think heard me.  I strutted off like I was wearing my highest and sexiest heels.

After that I decided that I spend my day sitting on my butt too much.  So I decided to get into the warehouse and tidy up the shelves and count stock.  I'm usually cold and tired at work but today I don't feel that.  I feel active and the time went by quickly.  It was also rewarding.  I really enjoyed it and felt like I accomplished something.

I also felt like I earned my 1950 calories that I consumed today.  I filled my day with eating good, healthy and fresh foods.  As you can see, fresh veggies, protein, good healthy food.  I feel like I earned it and I feel like with me getting up and going into the warehouse and getting off my backside everything is in place.

My tummy also feels good today.  I have been getting crampy tummy recently and so I decided to cut down on my dairy intake and I am noticing a difference.  My tummy is flatter and my tummy isn't as sore as it was.  So that is a good thing indeed!!!

So onwards and upwards! Tomorrow spinning and 1200 calories.

Recovering and Eating Like a Guinea Pig

Breakfast:  Strawberries and Grapes fruit pot

Snack:  Banana

Lunch:  Red pepper, carrots and cucumbers with a pot of low fat houmous

Snack:  Cottage Cheese

Dinner:  Chicken with a salad with olives and a table spoon of Helmann's extra light mayo and 30 grams of Philadelphia light Cream Cheese

Dessert:  Muller Light Vanilla with dark chocolate sprinkles and a dark cherry under layer....yes it was as decadent and fabulous as it sounds!!

Exercise:

My back is still not 100%.  I would rather rest than tempt fate and hurt my back

Thoughts:

My back is improving and my boyfriend gave me nice back massage last night.  I swear that there is a knot but he says that there isn't.  I had a knot in the same position before and it really feels like it.

Today I stayed positive though.  My back is sore yes but today my eating was clean.  I decided to start adding more veggies into my diet.

Why?  My 2 little Guinea Pigs, Waldo and Chicolini.

I'm one of these crazy ladies that doesn't have children but prefers animals to children.  We live in an apartment so in regards to pets I can't have something like a dog.  (I would love a boxer...that's the dream!)

So I make up with it with my 2 little Guinea Pigs, Waldo and Chicolini,  Twice a day I fill their food bowl with fresh veggies.  Spinach, carrots, red pepper, cucumber, lettuce, apples, celery.  That is what they get twice a day.  How healthy is that?  They eat better than I do!!!!

So I decided to take a leaf (no pun intended!) out of my fur babies' books and start eating more fresh veggies and fruits.  So I am taking the opportunity today as it is a low calorie day to start putting the veggies in.  My lunch was very nice and very filling.

My salad tonight was basic but again very good.  I added a cheeky 30 grams of Philadelphia light just to give it some taste and a tablespoon of Extra Light Mayo.  I am trying not to rely on salad dressings anymore.  I have a soft spot for Ranch Dressing, as you know but it is a habit that I am going to have to break.

It's coming together slowly.  It's not going to fall into place all at once but as each day goes by, I am getting stronger, leaner and the results are coming.  The key is to take each day as it comes and keep going.

On Having an Off Day

Lunch:  Tuna mixed with cottage cheese and spring onions, Philadelphia light and a jacket potato.  Carrots and cucumber crudités with low fat houmous

Snack: Muller Light orange with dark chocolate sprinkles

Dinner: Pasta with homemade sauce

Exercise: Personal training session with Kathryn

Thoughts:

Today's workout, to me, was God awful. Kathryn said it wasn't but I felt like I couldn't run and every weight felt like it weighed a ton. When I was doing my dead lifts (which I usually tear through with perfect form) I felt literally like I just couldn't lift. I was almost in tears.

I asked Kathryn why it was so hard today. She said its normal to have a crappy day.

Thinking there could be a few reasons.

Reason number one:  Had a shit nights sleep.  My boyfriend snores louder than a freight train. It's honestly really bad. It's so bad that I have to wear ear plugs. Last night he snored so loudly that I could hear it through the earplugs. I decided to get up and sleep on the couch. Our couch is comfy to sit and rest on but to sleep on? That brings me to possible reason number 2.

Reason number two:  because I slept on the couch I think I slept funny because my back is in agony. You know where your shoulder blade meets your back? It hurts right there. I am in so much pain. I had things I wanted to do today that I couldn't complete because my back is in such a state. Gutted.

Reason Number three:  yesterday's treat day.  I guzzled a lot of alcohol. Alcohol fucks your sleep up. I just felt like a slug when I was running. It was bad. I'm going to lay off the booze on treat day. It's not worth it.

Reason number four:  my little monthly friend. My contraception stops me from having a period. But for  some reason I've started up. I have 2 spots on my chin. And I want to cry and eat chocolate chip cookies.

Im thinking that a combination of all of the above could explain it. So early night for me tonight. Get a good nights sleep and I am determined to get to the cardio circuits class tomorrow!!!!

A Successful Saturday

Breakfast: A VentinSoy Vanilla Latte and 2 Cookie a Dough Pop Tarts....oh yes I did!!!

Dinner 2 homemade bacon and mozzarella cheeseburgers....heaven!!!

Drinks: 3 large glasses of Rioja (my second fav) snd 2 glasses of champagne

Exercise: REST DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thoughts: 

Weigh in

Weight: 14 stone 12 pounds (Boosh!!! Get in!!!! 2 pounds down)

Chest: 40.5 inches (.5 inch down) 

Waist: 37.5 inches (.5 inch down)

Hips: 46.5 (no loss)

Left Arm: 12 inches (.5 inch loss)

Right Arm: 12 inches (.5 inch loss)

Left Thigh: 22 inches (no loss)

Right Arm: 22 inches (no loss)

Thoughts:

My thoughts? Well pleased. I wasn't expecting any weight loss at all. But I did it. The inches down also, a step closer to my goal. My body is shrinking. I'm getting stronger.

A friend of mine came o Dr today so on my treat day I indulged in vino. I'm half Italian so it's in my blood. But on my third glass I wasn't really enjoying it. I long to get back to the regime.

Tomorrow Kathryn snd I are going to talk about my goals and she's also going to kick my butt.  I actually look forward to it. 

So tomorrow I'm back to normal and I'm looking forward to it!!!

On Setting Realistic Goals

Breakfast:  Grape strawberries

Snack:  Banana

Lunch:  4 Ryvitas, Laughing Cow Blue Cheese Flavor and ham

Snack:  Banana

Dinner Soup and a salad

Dessert:  Chocolate Orange Yogurt

Exercise:

Crazy Lady's spinning class...she is ruthless!!

Thoughts:

Well, I was up and ready to go to the crazy lady's spinning class.  It was hard and I mean really, really hard!!!  But walked out feeling like I have achieved something.

Food shopping was also not too stressful.  I was prepared with a list and a 7 menu outlining my meals for the next 7 days.

Tomorrow is weekend, thank heavens!!!!  But it is also weigh and measure day.  I get nervous because I had a huge loss last week!  I mean massive!!  I have prepared myself for little or no weight loss.  Kathryn said that I shouldn't even go by the bathroom scales. I need to go by the measurements.  We are programmed to think that the scales are king.  But when you see losses on your body measurements, you know that you are making progress.  So I have braced myself for it.  Prepared mentally that if there is no loss, it's no big whoop.  If there is a gain but a loss in measurements, it's a good thing as I have gained muscle and my body is shrinking.  That is what the end goal is.

I have measurement goals.  I don't know if they are realistic but I will learn in time.

I would like the following:

Chest:  34-36 inches (I'm at 41 so that is 5-7 inches that need to be lost)
Waist:  26.5 - 27.5 inches (I'm at 38 inches so that is a massive 10.5 -11.5 inches to lose)
Hips:  37 - 38 inches ( I'm at 46.5 inches so that is 8.5 - 9.5 inches to lose)

This would put me into a UK size 10/12. That's the size that I used to be and think that it is a realistic goal.

Now another thing that I want to stop is making unrealistic goals.  I am not going to get to these measurements by the end of the month, or by the end of February.  It's going to take time.  I have around 84 pounds to lose.  Again, a healthy 2 pounds loss a week (what I am aiming for) means that theoretically I would be at my goal by my birthday, October 27th.  So that is what I am aiming for.  42 weeks to go.

I want to go out for my birthday wearing a twin set showing off lovely Shakira-esque abs.

Now I know that goals can change.  This is the first plan. I will discuss it with Kathryn and see the feasibility of this.  But it's something to strive for.

Yesterday's Gone

Breakfast:  Porridge with a tablespoon of honey and blueberries

Snack:  Banana and Cottage cheese

Lunch:  Jacket potato with tuna mixed with cottage cheese, spring onions and a table spoon of Hellman's extra, extra light mayo

Snack:  an avocado

Dinner:  Fish Finger Butties (yes it was time for the boyfriend to cook for me this week....I felt like I was 10 years old again!) (4 fish fingers with 2 slices of bread and some margarine on both pieces)

Water:  3 liters.....It's getting easier to drink water now

Exercise:

A fabulous session with Kathryn

Thoughts:

I took the tablet that the doctor prescribed me and I had a restful sleep.  My body felt rested.  It was fabulous!  I woke up only once but easily got back to sleep.

My session with Kathryn was amazing!!  She said that yesterdays rest day was actually good and not to fret.  She said that she had bad days too and that she had workouts where she felt defeated.

As I said before this is a warts and all blog.  My eating is better and again, cravings are gone.

Even tonight's fish finger butties.....yes my boyfriend   Fish Finger Butties (yes the boyfriend wanted to cook for me today and so he made fish finger butties.....) they were ok.

But I'm looking forward to the weekend.mans to tomorrow's spinning class. I feel encouraged and even more motivated!

Onwards and upwards!!!!

On Having a Bad Day

Breakfast:  Fruit Salad (strawberries and grapes

Lunch:  4 ryvitas with 4 Laughing Cow Blue Cheese and Ham

Dinner:  Chilli with Rice

Exercise:  None....Sleep deprivation sucks

Thoughts:

As you know, this is a warts and all blog.  I will always report to you the good, the bad and the ugly.  Today has been well ugly.

The sleeping issue came to a head today when I pussied out from going to my spinning class because I didn't sleep very well last night.  So I went to the doctor to get some help.  He thinks that my sleeping pattern is skewed so he gave me some medication to get me back on track.  I will take it tonight before I go to bed and fingers crossed I can get back on track.

I haven't felt hungry (which is good) and again cravings are gone which is amazing.  I used to constantly think about all the food I would want.  Today I haven't thought of food once.

I wrote this mantra down and put it on my computer to look at:

"You are what you eat, so don't be fast, greasy or fake"

Why?  I'd be letting Kathryn, my best friend, my boyfriend and you all down.  And I will not do that.

Luckily, tomorrow I have a session with Kathryn and she always kicks my ass.  I texted her today and she assured me, this is normal.  I'm ok and she even gets bad days.  And if she gets bad days then I think I can survive this too.

This journey is going to have hurdles, I know it.  There are going to be days where I want to scream and throw the towel in.  In those times I need to be strong and keep going.

Yes, today I didn't go to the gym.  But am I going to beat myself up about it?  Nope!  I am going to take the positives.

1.  I ate perfectly
2.  I have a resolution to my sleeping problem
3.  Cravings are gone
4.  I am on the right track on the road to success.

So tomorrow is a new day.  I am going to keep at it.

A Barrier Broken Through

Breakfast:  Porridge with honey and blueberries

Snack:  Fat Free Natural yogurt with fresh strawberries

Lunch:  Chicken and spinach pasta salad with cashew nuts and a teriyaki sauce

Snack:  Cottage Cheese and a banana

Dinner:  Steak with a side salad

Dessert:  Muller Light Vanilla with dark chocolate orange (heaven!!!)

Exercise:  Kathryn's circuit - done 3 times!!  Whoop!  Whoop!!!

Playlist:

Yeah Yeah Yeah's --> Zero

The Vaccines --> Melody Calling

Faul & Wad Ad & Pnau --> Changes

Kasabian -->  eez-eh

The Stone Roses -->  Love Spreads

John Newman -->  Love Me Again

Chvrches -->  Lies

M83 --> Reunion 

The Prodigy --> Omen

The Stone Roses -->  She Bangs the Drums

Kasabian -->  Shoot the Runner

David Guetta & Rihanna -->  Who's That Chick?

Thoughts:
Today I am basking in a 2000 calorie day feeling smug.  Why?  Well today I got my ass out of bed after a shit night's sleep and I went to the gym to do Kathryn's circuit.

Last week, if you can remember I could only do it twice instead of the 3 times.  Well, today, I did it 3 times!!!!!  Whoop!  Whoop!!!  That shows that my stamina is improving.  Yes, my face went a gorgeous shade of purple!!!  I was panting and I thought that I would die at one point but I pulled my body through it.  I kept focused and I pushed myself to the max.  I pushed every burpee out, every press up, clean and press...it wasn't graceful but I did it.

For the first time in a long time I walked out of the gym on a day that I trained by myself feeling proud of my effort.  I strutted out.  The feeling?  It felt better than seeing my 6 pound weight loss last week.  I conquered a massive demon today.

My food today was fabulous.  I enjoyed it.  My lunch though...amazing!!!!!  I love pasta, as you all well know, and the teriyaki dressing made it taste superb!!  it packed a massive amount of calories but I am on a 2000 calorie day so it doesn't matter.  I need them to keep my energy and keep my body from crashing with a low blood sugar dip.

I just feel great today.  I feel like as each day goes by, the eating gets easier.  The gym work gets more straight forward.  The motivation increases.  I am 11 pounds away from the 100 club.  I know that I can drop these 11 pounds in the next 4 weeks.  That is my goal and I feel like I am going to achieve it.

On Looking at It from Another Point of View

Breakfast:  Grape and Strawberry Fruit Salad

Snack:  Muller Light Toffee Yogurt and a banana

Lunch:  4 Ryvitas with 4 laughing cow blue cheese triangles and ham

Dinner:  Chicken with a side salad

Snack:  Muller Light Vanilla with Dark Chocolate Sprinkles

Exercise:  I should have gone to circuit class but pussied out

Thoughts:

In 2002, Dance Group DB Boulevard released a song called "Point of View" that is one of the most important songs in my life.  This song got put on the back burner in my life recently and I only stumbled across it again the other day by chance.  I listened to it and the lyrics and I instantly felt renewed and refreshed.

This song basically says that no matter what your situation in your life, step back and look around.  

"Can't you see life's easy
If you consider things
From another point of view"

"I see life and light

All the colors of the world
So beautiful
Won't you come with me?

I see birds and trees
All the flowers of the world so beautiful
Won't you come with me"

You're probably scratching your head asking what this has to do with anything.

A lot of us view diets and exercise as "punishment" or "stressful" or "I am miserable because I can't eat that".

But let's break it down.  By eating right and exercising, you're giving your body the nutrients that it needs.  By not eating crap you are fueling your body the way it should be fueled.  By exercising, you are helping your body become more efficient in burning calories.  You sleep better, you break your food down better.  By drinking water, your skin gets clearer, cellulite diminishes.

Why is that considered punishment?  Why is helping your body get healthy being perceived to be so bad?  

Today, I didn't go to the circuits class and as I am very hard on myself I instantly felt horrible.  I put my new jeans on and it gave me a muffin top.  I felt horrible and guilty.

But then I looked at myself.  I looked past the big, gloopy tummy and focused on my legs.  My legs are starting to look shapely again.  I know that I have miles to go but there are early signs of what is to be.  

My shoulders, when I lift weights, I can start to see the beginning of beautiful sculpted shoulders.  Again, a glimpse of what is to be.  

That muffin top is a reminder that I do have a way to go but there are 2 paths to take.  Get there by picking out every lump, bump, cellulite, hating my muffin top and dreading each day, then binging and having to star over again.  Or I could get there by trying new foods, working with my Personal Trainer, starting to see those parts on my body that are starting to come through, celebrating my curves.  Taking more time to take care of my body, having long hot baths, putting my expensive body butter on my body after a shower.  Again, I have at least 84 pounds to go until I am down what the weight I should be (according to doctors) but a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.  

I am over the hardest part.  The first week sucks balls.  Not only did I shed 6 pounds in a week and drop inches, but I am now over food cravings.  I am feeling more confident about this journey.  I have the help of a great trainer, I have the support of my best friend and my boyfriend, this is all down to me.  I am in control of the journey, no one else.

So yes, I didn't go to my class.  But yes, I ate exceptionally well today.  I am looking forward to doing my circuit tomorrow.  I learned from my mistakes, I am going to take advice from my trainer and I am going to fix that issue.

So tomorrow, onwards and upwards!  

Back On It and feeling sore

Breakfast:  None

Lunch: Hot chicken, bacon, avocado salad (olives, spring onion, red pepper and cucumber) and Glorious Skinny Soup Mexican Sol

Dinner:  Pasta with homemade bolognaise sauce

Dessert:  Muller Light Vanilla Yogurt

Exercise:
An amazing session with Kathryn

Thoughts:

Yesterday after my triumph of weight loss, I was back on it this morning with Kathryn.  She pushed me hard and because of that I hit personal bests on all my exercises.

I honestly didn't understand why Kathryn wanted me to have a rest day.  Yesterday I had itchy feet. I wanted to train so badly.

But today I put in a hard session.  It felt easy and I felt like an Amazon, a warrior. Kathryn said that I needed the rest because it allows me to rebuild and get stronger, which it worked!

My body is sore though. Honestly. My back is killing me!!!! So the boyfriend said he'll give me a massage. Result! 

So tomorrow it's circuits and 1200 calories. 

A Pleasant Saturday

Measurements:

Weight: 15 Stone (6 pounds down!!!!!!!!!)

Chest: 41 inches (2 inches down)

Waist 38 (1 inch down)

Hips 46.5 (half inch down)

Left thigh 22 (1 inch down)

Right thigh 22 (1 inch down)

Left arm 12.5 (1/2 inch up....what the?????)

Right arm 12.5 (1/2 inch up....what the????)

Food: 

Breakfast:

Chocolate Sundae Pop Tarts x 2

Starbucks mango and passion fruit frappucino

Lunch

6 Babybel lites

2 diet cokes

Dinner:

Homemade chicken tikka masala

Rice

1 naan bread

Exercise:

Official rest day 

Thoughts:

The weight loss and measurements ....I did not expect yay at all font get me wrong. I am pleased but I didn't expect it. 

Rest day was ok. I felt guilty.i mean it was my treat day so pop tarts and Starbucks was as rock n roll as I got. 

To be ho est, this has pushed me to work harder.i have a session with Kathryn tomorrow. I am literally 10 pounds away from the 100 club. I can taste it!!!! 

I am taking this week by week. This week I was fortunate. I have set a bar. I know next week will be just as good :-)

The Weekend Challenge

Breakfast:  Mixd Berry Fruit Salad

Lunch:  4 Ryvitas with 4 Triangles of Low Fat Laughing Cow Blue Cheese flavor, 12 slices of honey roasted ham

Snack:  Vanilla yogurt with a banana

Dinner:  Soup and salad

Water:
3 liters....please shoot me!!!  But it's good as it stops cellulite and makes your skin glow.  Water is so important!!!

Exercise:

45 minute Spinning Class with the Crazy Lady

Thoughts

Well I have completed a week of eating perfectly to Kathryn's plan.  I took 4 out of the 5 workouts that she suggested (Monday I will wake up and do the circuits class!!!!!!) and I am feeling good.

But I am panicking a bit.

You see, on the weekend I tend to fall apart.  I am a little bit nervous.

So today at work (It was really slow) I was able to sit down and plan my meals and write my shopping list as my boyfriend and I are going shopping tonight.  I planned healthy meals for the weekend.

Tomorrow night we are going to be eating a Slimming World Chicken Tikka Masala.  I prepared the chicken tonight as it says that it needs an overnight marinading time.  It looks simple enough so we will see how it goes.

Kathryn said that I can have a treat day but I really don't want to lose momentum.  I might have a cheeky glass of wine or my boyfriend and I like to get a bottle of bubbly on the weekend.  I just don't want to undo all the good work that I have done this week.

I am also nervous about my weigh in and measurement taking tomorrow.  I gained about 7 pounds from over Christmas.  I know that I haven't lost 7 pounds but at least 3 or 4 would be lovely.  So I am praying to the weight and measurement gods....

We will see how it goes and I will, of course, let you know the good, the bad and the ugly!!!!

Caffeine Withdrawal is a Bitch and Low Carbs = Low Moods

Breakfast:  Porridge with honey and banana

Snack:  Low Fat Cottage Cheese

Lunch:  Ham and Egg Salad (with red pepper, cucumber, Olives and spring onion and lettuce)

Snack:  Fat Free Fromage Frais with Honey and Blueberries

Dinner:  Grilled Peppered Beef Steaks and salad

Dessert:  Muller light Toffee Flavoured yogurt

Water: 3 litres....I feel like the fucking Kool-Aid Man!!!!!!!
Exercise:

A tough session with Kathryn!

Thoughts:

Thursday indeed.  I am knackered I have to admit.  I am happy for the weekend because that means on Saturday it is weigh day and rest day so I can sleep in......yippeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

I'm feeling a bit tender today emotionally for some reason. I think it's because I haven't hadany caffeine for 4 days and very little carbs today.    I want to cry even though the shoes that I bought arrived today and they are amazing!!!!!!!!  I just wanted to smack my boyfriend for perving over women on the internet.  Usually it doesn't bother me.  But today it did for some reason.

Then the negative thoughts popped into my head.  You'll never loose this weight.  You'll never get into your pulling jeans.  I wanted to cry.  But I bit my lip and admired my shoes and tried not to kill my boyfriend. 

I then opened my notebook and started to write all the positive things that I could think of.  I have lost weight before. I will do it again.  This body is temporary.

I'm not really craving bad food anymore.  I think that I am over that hurdle.  I think that I am now just tweaking the eating to fit the workout regime.  That's the challenge.  I prefer the 1200 calorie days.  But looking at my food today, I haven't eaten a lot of carbs.  So I am getting that feeling.  But I must stick to this and soldier on.

Seeing Your Ex Personal Trainer.....

Breakfast:  Fruit salad (blackberries, blueberries, grapes and strawberry)

Snack:  Low Fat Cottage Cheese

Lunch:  4 Ryvitas with Laughing Cow Low Fat Blue Cheese

Snack:  Banana

Dinner:  Homemade Chilli Con Carne with Rice

Dessert:  Muller Light Toffee Flavoured Yogurt

Exercise:

A difficult Spinning Class

Thoughts:

Well, this morning I pulled my body out of bed and I dragged myself to spinning class.  Spinning class is hard at the best of times but todays....well...it was a totally different.

The spin instructor was my old personal trainer, Dan.

Now when you see your old personal trainer, it's like seeing an ex boyfriend.   Awkward and you never know what to say.  I couldn't even bring myself to make eye contact (I always make eye contact with everyone!!).  When he said hi, I could tell that it was awkward for him too.  I mumbled something back to him.

The class itself was torture.  It was 30 minutes of putting the resistance up to the same song that sounded like it belonged in a shit 1990's night club.  It waw literally put the resistance up, half pace then sprint!!!  Every 2 minutes!!!

With the circuit that I did yesterday, my legs were screaming.  I mean, absolutely screaming in agony.  I was in so much pain!!!  But I soldiered on.  I probably looked like an idiot but it was about burning the calories and getting my body into shape.

With every revolution on the bike I kept reminding myself of my goals.  How good I was going to feel wearing my jumpsuit....I could see myself zipping it up and looking at myself in the mirror.  Seeing the dark green with peach and brown flowers silky fabric paired with my tan peeptoes that I am going to buy when I get to the 100 hundred club.  It fits nicely, not tight at all.  I feel the lovely silky fabric brush my skin.

That silly clothes porn thought pushed me through the pain barrier.  I was a sweaty, purple faced mess.  I pushed harder.  then the class finished.  I stretched and left without acknowledging Dan.  I left feeling like I had been hit by a bus but I felt like I had triumphed in battle.

Today was 1200 calorie day.  And I have to admit, even though I am a food addict, I prefer the 1200 calorie days.  They are a good challenge for me.  How do I make tasty food with a restriction?  Spices of course!  Also, chilli is a great healthy dinner which I enjoy.  I have also started to be a lot more brave when it comes to cooking.  I was a kitchenphobe before this.  This weekend I am going to attempt to make a Slimming World recipe of one of my favourite dishes...Chicken Tikka Masala.  I have written the recipe out and it seems simple enough....we will see!!!

So onwards and upwards with this.  Like with any addiction, take it one day at a time.  I write in a journal that I keep with me if I feel like slipping and I have found that this works for me.

So Wednesday was a success, roll on a lay in and a 2000 calorie day!!!

A hard Workout and a 2000(ish) Calorie Day

Breakfast:

Porridge with honey and blueberries and soy milk (Oatmeal looks like paste that you would stick wallpaper up with...)

Snack:  Banana and low fat cottage cheese

Lunch:  Ham and Egg Salad (lettuce, spring onion, red pepper, olives and a cheeky tablespoon of my crack - Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing)

Snack:  4 Ryvitas with low fat laughing cow blue cheese triangles

Dinner:  Chicken Stirfry with a chicken stock, red chilli and lime sauce

Dessert:  Muller Light after dinner Mint Flavor....yummy!!!

Exercise:
The Kathryn circuit - I will explain

Thoughts:

Well, today I hit my first hurdle.  Kathryn gave me a circuit to do on a Tuesday and I tried it this morning and well....I managed to do most but I didn't complete it.

This circuit is very hard.  It's simple moves but it's difficult.  It starts out with a 5 minute run.  Then you go into alternating sprints and walk (recover).  You do that for 5 minutes then the fun really begins....

Onto clean and press.  For those of you who don't know what clean and press is, I shall explain.  You take a weight lifting bar (that you would put plates on to add weight) and you squat down pick the bar up and hold it chest height.  You then squat down and push the bar up over your head.  I had to do that 15 times with a bar that weighed 20 kilos...Ouch!!!

Then 15 lunges with the bar on my shoulders and then 15 squats with the same bar on my shoulder.

And now it gets fun.  Kathryn put in 15 of the hardest, most hateful exercise on the history of the planet....burpees....

For those of you that don't know what a burpee is, imagine hell.  Pure exercise hell.  You start out crouched down on your haunches, then you kick your legs out into push up position then you tuck your legs back into the first position then you jump up.  Ouch!!!!!!!!!!!  That sucks!!!  I had to do 15.  I can barely do 5!!

Then 15 push ups and finish it with a 200 meter sprint....lovely!!!

I was supposed to do this 3 times.  I could only manage 2 times.  And after the second time I felt sick.  Seriously sick.  It think it was the burpees.

In a way, I felt like a total failure.  I didn't complete the circuit 3 times.  I felt like I was dying.  God, I am out of shape.  I looked over at the pretty blonde girl happily jogging away and I thought, I bet she never had to shift about 6 stone of fat,,,,she might have; we don't know other people's stories.

As I walked on the treadmill I closed my eyes and asked myself, why am I doing this?  I remembered what my friend wrote on her blog yesterday.  She's doing this because she wants to wear a bikini again, go hiking and get her curves into a bodycon dress.

I started to think about my goals. Why am I doing this?  I have my short term goals.  Getting into the 100 club again, getting into this jumpsuit that I have that is a size smaller, fitting into my vintage red coat.

Then my longer term goals.  Buying and wearing one of those 2 piece evening dressing outfits that has a crop top.  I want killer abs!!! Going on my first vacation with my boyfriend and confidently wearing a bikini.  I want to get some designer jeans (I'm thinking Calvin Kleins) and buy Agent Provocateur underwear (they do small sizes).  I want to feel sexy again.

So I got off the treadmill and did more burpees.  The pain was bad.  But I soldiered through.  I was sweaty and gross.  But it's a step closer than where I was yesterday.  Plus as a wise person once said, the only bad workout is the one that you didn't do....

As for the eating, today I was told by Kathryn to eat 2000 calories.  As women, this is a terrifying prospect.  For me?  I'm a food lover so it isn't too bad.

I haven't made it to 2000 calories, I've hit 1773 calories.  Kathryn said to gradually build it up.  It feels weird eating a lot of food.  It's a good feeling because I am eating healthier foods that are keeping me full.  Besides the cheeky Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing, I am pleased with my food choices today.  I did a difficult workout and I can visualize the food that I am eating nourishing my body.  Building my muscles up.  I see my body repairing itself.

So tomorrow morning is 6:30am spinning class and a 1200 calorie day.  Fingers crossed tomorrow will be a great day!

Ready to Go and Fighting Jet Lag

Breakfast:

200 Grams fat free fromage frais

A tablespoon of honey

Banana

Snack

184 Grams of Red Seedless Grapes

Lunch:

Jacket potato

Tuna mixed with spring onion and low fat cottage cheese and a sprinkle of black pepper

Dinner:

Chicken

Oven Roasted Butternut Squash and sweet potato

Dessert: muller light vanilla yogurt

Fluids:

3 liters of water....I literally can feel it sloshing inside my stomach....too much water!!!!

Exercise:  Lack of Sleep and over active brain stopped me from sleeping...I am a zombie and I didn’t go to the gym

Thoughts:

I received Kathryn’s email with the plan on it.  She laid out a plan of exercises and how I need to calorie cycle.  I have 1 rest day a week on a Saturday.  I would kind of prefer my rest day to be Monday because I hate Mondays.  I try to delay the agony and stay in bed for as long as possible.  I will ask her if I can have Monday as a rest day instead.  Or maybe I should workout on a Monday.....Hmmmmmm...

Anywho, the exercise plan goes like this:

Monday 6.30am Cardio zone Class

Tuesday 6am Kathryn's circuit (see below)

Wednesday 6.30am Spin Class

Thursday 6am PT session

Friday 6.30am Spin Class

Saturday REST DAY!

Sunday 1pm Pt session

It’s straightforward, no grey areas.  I quite like that every day I am doing something different and I don’t have to think about it as everything is worked out for me.

Now on certain days I have to eat more calories. Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday.  Those are the days that I am doing weight lifting.  The other days I’m down to 1200 calories.  Today I am on 1200 calories.  It’s not too bad.  I feel like because I have a plan and the structure, I can cope. 

I now just need to focus on each day.  Today’s food was good.  The water is keeping the hunger pains in check.  Yes I feel bloated with the water but water helps your body so much.  And it’s been getting my steps up from the trips to the toilet I have had to make.

I do feel very positive today though and I know that each day I will build on it and get the momentum going!

It's on!!!

Well today I had my personal training session with Kathryn. She put me through my paces!!! And it shows that having all this rest and eating crap fucks your fitness levels right up!!! I was dying after the warm up!!!!

We sat down and she told me that she was going to write a workout regime and get me to calories cycle. Basically she is going to get me to eat so that I can utilise my calories effectively. Smart! 

I then treated myself to a facial and I got my acrylics on....I can't operate without them!!!!! I also bought some Dermalogica skin trial sized products. I want to take. Are of my body but also my skin, which should happen with healthy eating.

I went food shopping with the boyfriend and loaded up on good foods. I am going to be adventurous and try sweet potato as Kathryn highly recommends it.

So for dinner tonight I had battered cod (oven baked not chip shop) with oven roasted sweet potato and butternut squash. It wasn't too bad. And I didn't eat until I felt sick. Result! 

I'm aching badly now but it's worth it! Tomorrow will be a proper full day of good food :-) 

He who fails to prepare, prepares to fail!

Today I set in motion my plan....sort of.

I came back from my homeland  2 days ago and I am still jet lagged. 

The first thing I set into motion....my support network. One of my best friends is on a similar journey and is totally smashing it! She is using brilliant coping skills to help with her goal. Please check her blog out. (http://skepticelle.blogspot.co.uk)  I have someone I can relate to to talk about my issues with. She understands the ups and downs, the frustrations and the difficulty of this journey. She is one of my inspirations.

The second part:  the diet and exercise plan. Tomorrow I have a personal training session with Kathryn. We are going to sit down and discuss my diet and exercise regimen. (I am a control freak....I need a plan!!!) 

Now looking back at the blog. Why am I going to succeed? Because when I worked out with Dan, I don't think that we were on the same wavelength. I am not taking away from his personal training skills. He wasn't the trainer for me, simple.

Kathryn fires me up and gets me going. She is more personable and I feel I can contact her when I need her. She pushes me and I am keen to follow her advice.

After my session with her tomorrow, I am getting pampered. I'm getting my nails done and a facial....I am revamping my skincare regime too; I'm not half assing this. I am dead serious about taking care of my body, skin included!!! Then after that I am going food shopping with the diet plan Kathryn has set up for me.

I have also made little milestones. The first one is to shed 17 pounds based on yesterday's weigh in. Why? Because I will be back in the 100's where I belong!!! I have about 90 pounds that I want to shed. When I lose these 17 pounds I am going to give myself a non-food reward...I have my eyes on a pair of tan peep toe platform 5 inch stilettos. I will get these shoes!!!

Once I get this milestone I need to create the next one. I am confident that I will smash this milestone. There is nothing standing in my way except for me!!!! 

2015 - New Year, New Body

Hi All!!!

I have been away for a bit I know!!!!  I got caught up with Christmas and the excitement.  Plus I went back to America for Christmas....land of the free and the fattening foods!

And I have put on a horrendous amount of weight!!!!

But I have the tools to lose it and get back into shape.  I am starting up working out with the lovely Kathryn at St Helens Gymbug twice a week and I am going to Slimming World so fingers crossed this is just a blip!

I learned a few things when I was away.

Firstly, I ate so much that I felt so sick.  When I was feeling this way I took photographs of my face, my tummy and I noted the feelings.  The tiredness, the bloat, the gut rot.  I looked at my face.  The red cheeks, the spots that started popping up, my eyes looking not as bright.  Not very attractive!!!

I genuinely felt and looked like shit.  I don't want to feel that way anymore.  Ever again.

I took my time in America to also get ready for the fitness journey.  I went and bought some new workout clothes and threw out most of my old workout gear.  I bought new gym shoes and got rid of the old.

I have been yo-yoing for ages.  So it's time to get rid of old worn out ideas and put in new fabulous ideas.

So as it is day one, here are my stats:

Weight --> 15 stone 6 pounds....Ouch!!! That is shocking!!!!

Measurements:
Chest:  43 inches
Waist:  39 inches
Hips:  47 inches
Right Arm: 12 inches      Left Arm:  12 inches
Left Thigh:  23 inches     Right Thigh:  23 inches

There is a lot of work to be done.  Kathryn and I have our work cut out but it's doable.  So to 2015, a year of changes and health!  Let's do this!!!!