Lunch: Chicken Stirfry with lime and chilli dressing
Dinner: Fajita chicken with A small salad
Exercise: None
Thoughts:
I have hit an exerise rut. I feel so rubblish in myself, like a failure. I am struggling to get the motivation to get up and go to the gym.
This is stressing me out and it is effecting my life in every way. My tummy is getting upset (on days that I do go to the gym, my tummy doesn't hurt), I feel lazier, I feel more tired, I feel like I want to cry. I have kind of hid myself away a bit from my friends. I just feel miserable and horrible.
I didn't log my food in those days. Not out of shame for eating bad things, but out of laziness. I don't know what is going on in my head. All I know is that I don't like this place that I am in.
Tomorrow Dan the PT wants to log how far I have come. Readers, I am dreading it. I haven't come as far as I wanted to or as far as I should. I am seriously upset about this.
I end up getting stupid thoughts in my head. Like thinking that Dan doesn't want me to succeed. That because I am fat that he doesn't want to put the time in like he does with the pretty skinny blonde he trains on a Friday. I know that it is probably rubbish. I am not thinking rationally here.
I just want to get out of this snit that I have found myself in. To get the energy to do what I enjoy doing. Lifting weights (I do enjoy that!!), doing my writing, researching, trying to get my body and life back.
The thing is that I am the one that is ruining this. Not my perceptions of what my Personal Trainer is doing. The old me would have been like, oh yeah? You would rather train the cute little blonde than put the time into me? I am going to get fit, and be the best client you have ever had and show your ass what I can do!!!
That spark seems to have extinguished.
I need to reignite it. Is it a fear of success?
The weather is getting colder and I will soon need to get into that coat. So I need to buck my ideas up and try again. That's all that I can do.
Readers, please pray for me. I am not at my best. I need to get out of this head fuck.
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