September 30th Day 38 --> Motivation = 0

Breakfast:  Banana

Lunch:  Chicken Stirfry with lime and chilli dressing

Dinner:  Fajita chicken with A small salad

Exercise:  None

Thoughts:

I have hit an exerise rut.  I feel so rubblish in myself, like a failure.  I am struggling to get the motivation to get up and go to the gym. 

This is stressing me out and it is effecting my life in every way.  My tummy is getting upset (on days that I do go to the gym, my tummy doesn't hurt), I feel lazier, I feel more tired, I feel like I want to cry.  I have kind of hid myself away a bit from my friends.  I just feel miserable and horrible.

I didn't log my food in those days.  Not out of shame for eating bad things, but out of laziness.   I don't know what is going on in my head.  All I know is that I don't like this place that I am in.

Tomorrow Dan the PT wants to log how far I have come.  Readers, I am dreading it.  I haven't come as far as I wanted to or as far as I should.  I am seriously upset about this. 

I end up getting stupid thoughts in my head.  Like thinking that Dan doesn't want me to succeed.  That because I am fat that he doesn't want to put the time in like he does with the pretty skinny blonde he trains on a Friday.  I know that it is probably rubbish.  I am not thinking rationally here.  

I just want to get out of this snit that I have found myself in.  To get the energy to do what I enjoy doing.  Lifting weights (I do enjoy that!!), doing my writing, researching, trying to get my body and life back. 

The thing is that I am the one that is ruining this.  Not my perceptions of what my Personal Trainer is doing.  The old me would have been like, oh yeah?  You would rather train the cute little blonde than put the time into me?  I am going to get fit, and be the best client you have ever had and show your ass what I can do!!!

That spark seems to have extinguished.

I need to reignite it.   Is it a fear of success? 

The weather is getting colder and I will soon need to get into that coat.  So I need to buck my ideas up and try again.  That's all that I can do. 

Readers, please pray for me.  I am not at my best. I need to get out of this head fuck.

September 29th Day 37 --> Over the Shit Sunday Sleep Hurdle

Breakfast:  Banana

Lunch:  Chicken Stir fry with lime and chilli sauce

Dinner:  Meatballs with a salad

Snacks:  Dried Fruit

Water:  2 liters

Exercise:  rest day

Thoughts:

Well I did it!!!  I managed to stop the shit sleep Sunday hurdle!!  God I am so delighted!!! 

How did I do this amazing feat?

Well, I ate my dinner earlier.  The meal was lighter. (a small steak and a salad)  I prepared my sleep area better.  Made sure the pillows were plumped, cleaned off the night stand (clutter can cause issues psychologically and cause disturbed sleep) and made sure that the window was open to get some fresh air in.  I put all electronic devices (iPad and phone) in my dressing room as I read that the frequency and electricity from those items can disrupt sleep. Then 45 minutes before bedtime, I had a lovely hot bath by candle light.  I was in the bath for about 10-15 minutes, not too long but just long enough to relax myself.

I then dried myself off and got into bed.  I had some snuggle time with the boyfriend.  I then put my sleep mask on and ear plugs in and I drifted off.

It worked.  I had a lovely restful sleep and I feel great.  I plan to try this tactic next week and see if it isn't a fluke!!!

September 25th Day 33 --> Glorious Sleep!!!!

Breakfast:  Strawerry and grape salad. coffee with almond milk and honey

Lunch:  Chicken stirfry with a lime and chilli sauce

Dinner:  Chicken with fajita seasoning, red onion, olives, tomatoes, red pepper, yellow pepper

Drinks:  2 liters of water

Snacks:  dried fruit

Exercise:  None

Thoughts:

Last night I had a glorious night's sleep.  Seriously, this was amazing!!!  I needed it!!!  I woke up feeling better and happier!! 

I have done some more sleep related research and I have a few ideas that I want to try.  On Sunday night, as suggested, about an hour before bed, I should have a relaxing hot bath.  So fingers crossed I will try that along with some meditation. 

Tomorrow morning I have to get up to see Dan for my personal training sesson.  Fingers crossed I will get a great night's sleep and get up and have a great workout.

September 24th Day 32 --> tired! disjointed and cranky

Breakfast:  Coffee with Almond Milk and Honey

Lunch:  Burrito seasoned beef with red peppers, yellow peppers, olives, red onion, spring onion, tomatoes and avocados

Dinner:  Chilli

Drinks:  2 liters of water

Exercise:  None

Thoughts:

God, the last few days have been accented with a distinct lack of sleep

Sorry for not blogging yesterday.  I went to the football aftter work and it was very, very, very, very, very late when I got home.  I am absolutely shattered!!!  I weighed myself this morning and I haven't gained anything.  Today I tried to keep my head down, let the day tick by and look forward to getting home to a nice bowl of chilli and an early night.

Luckily Dan cancelled my session for today.  I am too tired to do anything.  We have rescheduled for Friday morning.  

I hope by then I will be back up and running, fighting fit and strong. 

September 22nd Day 30 --> Lack of Sleep and Crying over Spaghetti

Breakfast:  Coffee with Almond Milk and Honey

Lunch:  chicken stirfry with lime and chilli sauce

Dinner:  Meatballs with oven roasted Mediteranean Veggies

Drinks:  2 liters of water

Exercise:  Rest Day

Thoughts:

The curse of the Sunday night bad night's sleep has struck again.  I couldn't get comfy, I tossed and turned all night and woke up with a bloated, sore tummy.  The boyfriend also had a bad night's sleep. 

This is really messing with my head.  My tummy is so sore, it feels like I need to sit on the toilet all day and just try to get this out.  It's not comfortable.  I had a cup of coffee this morning because sometimes that helps me out to get things moving, so to speak.

The pace of today was quick to the point where I had to let the phone ring to go pee.  Stressful environment + lack of sleep + achy sore tummy = a horribly shitty day.

Anyone reading out there, if you have any solutions to help a sister out with this issue, please don't be shy!!!!  Please tell me.  My sanity cannot take anymore!!!

And to make matters worse, I was making dinner (spaghetti snd meatballs for the boyfriend plain meatballs and veggies for me) I looked longingly at the boyfriend's dinner. He told me to stop looking like a puppy as I chose this. My boyfriend wasn't being a knob I told him that if I started to be a whiney bitch to tell me to man up. My response? I burst into tears. Yes. I cried over not eating spaghetti. Classy. Lack of sleep equates to me being a tearful emotional wreck. So I threw half my roasted veggies away. I could bear to look at them.

So tonight I am going to sleep well, get up, force myself to the gym and keep going. No use crying over spaghetti!!!!

September 21st Day 29 --> The After Effects of Having a Treat

Breakfast:  Coffee with Almond Milk and Honey

Main Meal:  Burrito seasoned minced beef and roasted Mediterranean veggies

Drinks:  3 liters of water

Exercise:  Arm Workout

Bicep Curls: 3 sets of 7 starting with 25 kilos and dropping by 5 each set

Arm extension: 3 sets of 7 starting with 30 kilos and dropping 5 each set

Dips:  Using my body weight 3 sets of 10

Shoulder Press:  3 sets of 7 starting with 35 kilos and by 5 each set

Shoulder Press Version 2:  3 sets of 7 with 45 kilos dropping 5 each set

Interval Training:  10 minutes

Crunches: 

Regular:  20 reps

Cross over: 20 reps

Pelvic tilts:  20 reps

Playlist:

Kasabian  --> "eez-eh"

Jamie T -->  "Sticks and Stones"

The Prodigy -->  "Warrior's Dance"
Imagine Dragons -->  "Radioactive"

Foo Fighters -->  "The Pretender"
Nero -->  "Me and You"
Chvrches -->  "Lies"
The Black Keys -->  "Howlin' for You"

Thoughts:

Last night I indulged and enjoyed a lovely pizza with bacon and cheese stuffed crust.  I had a great sleep and I woke up this morning and headed to the gym.

I did my weights well.  Then it got to the interval training.  I felt heavy and uncomfortable.  So after 10 minutes, I stopped.  I felt heavy.  I weighed myself this morning and I was the same weight as yesterday but I felt really heavy and gloopy.  It definitely affected my ability to train having that pizza in my guts.

I don't regret having it.  It was a treat but I guess that if you want to perform well in the gym, or have the energy to do what you want to do you need the right type of fuel in your body.

So today I increased my water intake to 3 liters to try and flush the salty cheesy stuff in my tummy out.  So I went back to Paleo again and I feel better.

Another thing that I need to do is to crack the Sunday Night anxiety that I get that prevents me from having a decent night's sleep.

I have done some preparations.  My meal tonight wasn't heavy, gym clothes are all folded up and ready to be put on, birthday body con is hanging up as a reminder of why I am doing this and I have some exercises that are recommended to relax the body before sleep.  I am determined to crack the Sunday Night Anxiety sleepless.  Fingers and toes crossed!!!!

September 20th Day 28 --> Little Victories and Treat Day!!!!!

Weigh In:  14 Stone 8 Pounds (204 pounds) - 2 Pounds Lost

Left Arm:  11.5 inches (Stayed the same)

Right Arm:  12 inches (Stayed the same)

Chest:  41 inches (Stayed the same)

Hips:  46 inches (Stayed the same)

Waist:  36 inches (Stayed the same)

Left thigh: 21.5 inches (Stayed the same)

Right thigh:  21.5 inches (Stayed the same)

Exercise:  Chest And Back
Lat Pull Down Version 1: 3 sets of 7 starting at 57.5 kilos and dropping 7.5 kilos each set
Lat Pull Down Version 2: 3 sets of 7 starting at 57.5 kilos and dropping 7.5 kilos each set
Seated Floor Pulley Row:  3 sets of 7 starting at 65 kilos and dropping 7.5 kilos each set
Chest Press:  3 sets of 7 starting at 50 kilos and dropping 5 kilos each set
Lower Back:  3 sets of 10 at 45 kilos
Press Ups on the Fit Ball --> 3 sets of 10
Fitball Crunches:
Regular style x 20
Cross Over x 20
Pelvic Lift x 20
Interval Training:  15 minutes

Playlist:
Chase and Status -->  "Blind Faith"
deadmau5 & Kaskade -->  "I Remember"
The Killers -->  "Read My Mind"
M83 -->  "Reunion"
Nero -->  "Guilt"
The Prodigy --> "Smack My Bitch Up"
Miles Kane --> "Don't Forget Who You Are"
John Newman -->  "Love Me Again"
Kasabian -->  "Fast Fuse"

Breakfast:  2 egg omelette with spring onions, tomatoes, bacon and red pepper, paleo coffee (almond milk and honey)

Main Meal:  Half a large Dominos pizza (cheese, pepperoni with a bacon and cheese stuffed crust...major food porn....and worth the calories)

Drinks:
2 liters of water

Thoughts:
Well, today is my 28th day being Paleo.  And I have lost 2 more pounds, no inches and I am pleased with that.  I decided to try my vintage red coat (which is a size 14) and see how it fits.

This coat is double breasted with red buttons.  There are 2 sets of buttons to do up.  There are the 4 buttons that are hidden and then the 4 buttons that you do up on the outside.

Well, I slipped the coat on and I easily buttoned up the inside button on the top and the next one down.  And I easily buttoned up the outer top 2 buttons.  The 2 bottom buttons, I have a way to go but it's looking achievable.

I feel like I have my groove back.  I am looking at my weightloss patterns in this blog and the stupidly obvious conclusion is that I need to exercise more.  The weeks that I exercise I lose more weight.  Well duh!!!!

The things that I am noticing about my body on day 28 compared to day 1:
Skin is looking brighter and less red.  I think that is down to me drinking less alcohol.
Tummy is noticeably flatter
Cellulite is decreasing on my butt.
My clothing is feeling looser (my strapless maxi dress is falling off me today!!!)
My constipation problems are pretty much gone.
I am getting more creative with my cooking and losing my kitchenphobia.

The sleep issue is now sorted and I am 100% confident that on my birthday (October 27th) I will be rocking my gorgeous red body con and vintage red coat!!!

So, tonight I decided to celebrate and indulge in the one food that I love.  Pizza.  If it has cheese on it I am there.  Domino's have brought out a bacon and cheese stuffed crust.  It would be rude not too!!!  I know that this action will warrant a kick ass hard core workout at the gym tomorrow so I will defo be doing that!!!  I am feeling more confident today about my body and where I am going. 

September 19th Day 27 --> Getting Out of a Workout Rut

Breakfast;  Bacon, Sausage and egg

Lunch:  Too busy to eat!!!

Dinner:  Grilled chicken marinaded in lime juice and chilli with Mediterranean veggies

Exercise:  Leg Workout

Leg press 6 sets starting with 190 kilos and then dropping 10 kilos per set
Leg curls 3 sets of 7 starting with 65 kilos and then dropping 5 kilos per set
Leg extension 3 sets of 7 starting with 65 kilos and then dropping 5 kilos per set
Leg abductor 3 sets of 10 at 50 kilos
Leg adductor 3 sets of 10 at 50 kilos
Calf muscle exercise 3 sets of 10 each set 110 kilos

Playlist:

Churches -->  "Lies"
Black Keys -->  "Lonely Boy"
Miles Kane -->  "Don't Forget Who You Are"
The Stone Roses -->  "She Bangs the Drums"
Kasabian -->  "Empire"
Couteeners -->  "Van Der Graff"
The Killers -->  "Read My Mind"

Thoughts:

Well yesterday I did quite well in regards to my eating.   I cleared the eating out hurdle and I got up this morning and did a leg workout.

I was really dehydrated so I think that I am going to have to increase my water consumption again.

I also received my dress for my birthday which is in 5 weeks.  It's tight on me now, the lumps and bumps are very obvious but I am now more determined to keep going.

I have been having a gym rut.  I need to get out of this rut.  Winter is coming and I need to get into that coat.

I know looking through my entries I have pussied out from going to the gym.  That needs to be fixed in order for me to get to my goal....the birthday dress and vintage coat.

I think that I pussied out was down to the sleep situation.  That (fingers and toes crossed), I think, is fixed.  My issue is that I have an overactive brain and it's worse on a Sunday night.  I never get a good night's sleep on a Sunday night.  I need to overcome that mental hurdle.

September 18th Day 26 --> How to Stay Focused When You Are Eating Out

Breakfast:  Strawberries and grapes

Lunch:  Chicken marinaded in lime and chilli with salads

Dinner:  Grilled Chicken salad

Exercise:  Rest Day...in serious pain!!!

Drinks:  2 liters of water, 2 glasses of sparkling water

Thoughts:

One of the worst things when you are on a diet is when you are going out to eat.

Temptation is all around, burgers, fajitas, cheesecake......yes, it is very difficult to be good.

I have cracked this issue.

Tonight my boyfriend and his parents and I went ot for dinner.  This was sprung on me last minute and threw me off guard. 

So how did I handle this?  Well, every pub/restaurant/eating establishment does have an option of a chicken salad, a steak and salad, and other paleo friendly foods.  You need to think outside the box.  Eating paleo is about eating simple foods.

Usually if I am going out to dinner, I look at the menu before and decide what I am going to eat.  It stops me from panicking and getting something I will regret.

So tonight we went to a local pub for dinner.  I decided on a chicken salad and a glass of sparkling water.  While the boyfriend was eating a burger and fries, I was having dinner envy but I thought about my diet, my goals, you readers and that dress!!  

September 17th Day 25 --> A Very Hard Workout Indeed

Breakfast:  Strawberries and Grapes

Lunch:  Chicken, avocado, bacon and olive salad

Dinner: egg, sausage and bacon

Drinks:  2 liters of water

Exercise:  A very hard Personal Training session

Thoughts:

Today's personal training session was tough, and I mean tough! I got pushed to extremes!!! Dan made me do sprints in between each weight lifting set. God, I almost puked!!! It was hard!!!

Eating was ok today. I am totally exhausted. The boyfriend's snoring plus my over active mind equals a very tired and cranky person!! I am shattered!!!

So I have found a motivation to keep going, my birthday is in 5 weeks and I bought a sexy dress to wear. I am so determined to get into this dress and rock it for my birthday!!! 

So it's sorted. I will get into my dress!!

September 16th Day 24 --> The Importance of Drinking Water

Breakfast:  Strawberries and grapes

Lunch:  Chicken, Bacon, avocado and olive salad

Dinner:  Chilli with a side salad (red onion, spring onion, olives, red pepper, yellow pepper)

Drinks:  2 liters of water
             A Glass of wine 
Exercise:  None

Thoughts:

The one thing that I hate so much is drinking water.  I hate it.  It's difficult for me to do.  The way that I am tackling this issue is to buy a 2 liter bottle of water and force myself to drink it.

What I have been doing is drinking the 2 liters in the morning to "get it out of the way".

This has returned to bite me in the ass...royally...

You see, an issue has occurred when I am going to sleep.  I will wake up at, say, 2am needing to go for a wee.  I will go and then feel like I still need to go.  This is down to dehydration.  I don't drink much water in the evening and my dinner of meatballs and grilled veggies had some salt in it so that's probably why I was feeling the way I do.

So I have, this morning, made my water drinking more pleasurable by squeezing lemons and limes into it.  It tastes more refreshing and makes drinking water more enjoyable...I think.

So for dinner, along with my chilli I drank 2 pints of water with lemons and limes in it.  I think that should solve the dehydration crisis.  I hope so anyway.

September 15th Day 23 --> Back to Reality

Breakfast:  Strawberry and Grape Fruit Salad

Lunch:  Too busy to eat!

Dinner:  Meatballs with Mediteranean veggies

Drinks:  2 litres of water

Exercise:  None

Thoughts:

I was so tired as I had a manic weekend!  But I am noticing some changes.  My jeans are fitting better.  A lot better.

I was too busy today to eat lunch and I didn't even notice!!   I am feeling more slender.  I have a very long way to go but I am feeling pretty good.  Skipping meals is a habit that I don't want to get into.  I lost weight last time I did it but the weight came back on and then some.  So I need to keep focused and remember to eat!

I am feeling a lot better about the weight loss situation as I am getting compliments and people are noticing.  It's putting the focus back where it needs to be.

So this week will be brilliant and I will soldier on!!!!

September 14th Day 22 --> Too Busy To Eat!!!

Breakfast:  Bacon egg and sausage and coffee with almond milk and honey

Drinks:  A glass of perseco and a liter of water

Exercise:  none

Thoughts:

I decided to take a day off from the gym. I had a busy day ahead if me. I was going to the fashion show in a Liverpool with my Bezzie so I had a lot to do.

I managed to get into a gorgeous black jumpsuit that is a size down from what I normally wear!!! I thought I looked pretty good.

Starting the fashion show out was a dance troop. The girls looked fierce!! Healthy looking bodies, beautiful hair, they looked like fit healthy happy girls.

Then came the fashion show.  Seeing the skinny models with their sour faces strut up and down the catwalk made me crave a burger...or a rack of ribs. Some of those girls looked malnourished and miserable.  Honestly, who finds that attractive????

Seeing those girls has made me determined to not end up like that. I want to look healthy, toned and fit.

So it's given me a spin on what I need to do and how I need to achieve this. Those dancers didn't become great dancers over night. They practiced, worked hard and were dedicated to their love of dance. I too need to practice, work hard and be dedicated to my goals. 

I have the building blocks here I just need to keep on going and I will be fine.

September 13th Day 21 --> Back in the Saddle Again

Weight:  14 stone 10 pounds (206 - stayed the same)

Left Arm:  11.5 inches (Stayed the same)

Right Arm:  12 inches (Stayed the same)

Chest:  41 inches (down 1 inch)

Hips:  46 inches (down 1 inch)

Waist:  36 inches (down 1 inch)

Left thigh: 21.5 inches (down 0.5 inches)

Right thigh:  21.5 inches (down 1 inch)

Snack:  Coffee with Almond milk and Honey

Main Meal:  Lamb with salad

Drinks: 2 glasses of Rosé

Exercise:  Arm Workout

Bicep Curls: 3 sets of 7 starting with 20 kilos and dropping by 5 each set

Arm extension: 3 sets of 7 starting with 25 kilos and dropping 5 each set

Dips:  Using my body weight 3 sets of 10

Shoulder Press:  3 sets of 7 starting with 30 kilos and by 5 each set

Shoulder Press Version 2:  3 sets of 7 with 40 kilos dropping 5 each set

Interval Training:  9 minutes

Crunches: 

Regular:  20 reps

Cross over: 20 reps

Pelvic tilts:  20 reps

Playlist:

Churches --> "Lies"

Black Keys -->  "Lonely Boy"

The Gossip -->  Heavy Cross

Royal Blood -->  Figure It Out

Interval Training: 

Stone Roses -->  Fools Gold (it's the 9 minute version)

Music for crunches and stretching out:

Ian Brown:  F.E.A.R.

Thoughts:

Today's eating was strange. I always struggle on the weekend because there is no set routine. But I got to the gym, did interval training so success!!!

I got my hair, nails and eyelashes done. I feel like a million bucks and I feel strong.  

In regards to the weigh in, I am disappointed that no weight was lost but the inches are coming off. That's a good thing so I am pleased about that. Plus it's my monthly friend's visitor do cue bloating, tiredness and cravings for Ben & Jerry's.

Yeah, I am pleased. I have my exercise mojo back so onwards and upwards!!!

September 12th Day 20 --> What's My Motivation????

Breakfast:  Coffee with Almond Milk and Honey; bacon, sausage and egg

Lunch:  Chicken with olives, yellow pepper, red pepper, tomatoes

Dinner:  Chicken with grilled Meditteranean Vegetables (tomatoes, onions, peppers, cougette) with garlic and olive oil

Exercise:  Chest And Back
Lat Pull Down Version 1: 3 sets of 7 starting at 57.5 kilos and dropping 7.5 kilos each set
Lat Pull Down Version 2: 3 sets of 7 starting at 57.5 kilos and dropping 7.5 kilos each set
Seated Floor Pulley Row:  3 sets of 7 starting at 57.5 kilos and dropping 7.5 kilos each set
Chest Press:  3 sets of 7 starting at 45 kilos and dropping 5 kilos each set
Lower Back:  3 sets of 10 at 45 kilos
Press Ups on the Fit Ball --> 3 sets of 10
Fitball Crunches:
Regular style x 20
Cross Over x 20
Pelvic Lift x 20

Playlist:
Foo Fighters -->  "The Pretender"
Kasabian -->  "Where Did All the Love Go?"
The Prodigy -->  "Breathe"
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club -->  "Spread Your Love"
Corona -->  "Rhythm of the Night"
3OH!3 --> "Starsrukk (feat. Katy Perry)"
Black Strobe --> "I'm a Man"

Thoughts:
This morning I wasn't going to go to the gym.  I woke up and rolled out of bed and went to the bathroom and I took my iPad with me.  I saw that I had a comment from yesterday's post from a lady named Anne.  Her words of encouragement pushed me to go to the gym.  So I went.

My chest and back workout was good.  Still no interval training as my throat and chest don't feel right and the fact that if I did run my face would probably turn a gorgeous shade of purple (Purples are in this season, you know!!) and I would probably end up passing out. That wouldn't be a good start to a Friday.

While I was pumping iron this morning I got to thinking what motivates me to drag myself out of my bed at 5:40 in the morning to go to the gym.

The red vintage coat?  Yes definitely.  My body con dress?  Yup, that too.

But for me, the biggest motivation doesn't come in clothing form.  No, it comes in the form of 2 people I love and care about dearly.

The first person is my best friend.  She, too, is on a weight loss journey.  She's taking a different path to mine and she is showing great results.  Today she hit a major weight loss milestone.  I am sooooooooooo proud, so happy for her!!!!  She has helped me through the pizza, cookie and bad food cravings.  When I despair because I feel like crap, she refocuses me.  I can hear her voice in my head when I am working out.  When it hurts, I hear her pushing me to go on.  To run faster, lift heavier.  She is my inspiration and I love her.  She is like the sister that I have always wanted.

My second motivation?  My boyfriend.  He is my constant inspiration too.  He's accomplished a lot in his life with sheer determination, sacrifice and a can do attitude. Everyday he tells me that I am beautiful.  He knows that I am on this journey and he tells me that he loves me the way I am.  He understands why I am doing this.  He understands my health issues and how I want to go on vacation and rock a bikini on the beach for the first time in my life instead of a burkini. 

The weight isn't just stopping me from wearing crop tops or my vintage jacket, it's stopping me getting intimate with the love of my life. We do have a good and active sex life, but it's always with the lights off in the same position because the thought of him looking at my droopy tits, thunder thighs, back boobs, and wobbly, stretch marked belly makes me feel physically sick.  How could he find those things attractive??  He's younger than me (by 4 years) and very good looking (he's definitely my better half).  I feel like I am punching above my weight with him.  How can someone that is obese like me keep a good looking younger man? 

I tell him this but he says that he loves my body and he loves me how I am.  I still don't understand it. 

But there is one thing for sure.  Those 2 people believe in me.  They believe that I can do this and that I can achieve my goals.  So, yes when a pizza is in front of me, I am very tempted but I think of letting the 2 most important people (besides my family, of course) down and the pizza isn't so tempting anymore. 

I am not doing this for them, hell no!  I am doing this for me.  This is my journey, my battle and they are my cheerleaders.

But thanks to Anne, I have another cheerleader too which makes it easier.  So thank you to all the people who are reading this.  You are my inspiration, my motivation to get up when it's 5:40 in the morning and get myself to the gym.  Thank you for inspiring me to keep on going.  I won't let you down.

September 11th Day 19 --> Back to the Gym!!

Break Fast:  A Paleo Almond and Raspberry muffin and a coffee with honey and almond milk

Lunch:  Chicken and Bacon salad with olives

Dinner:  Chicken Stir Fry with a lime and chilli sauce

Water:  2 liters

Exercise:  Leg workout
Leg press 6 sets starting with 180 kilos and then dropping 10 kilos per set
Leg curls 3 sets of 7 starting with 60 kilos and then dropping 5 kilos per set
Leg extension 3 sets of 7 starting with 60 kilos and then dropping 5 kilos per set
Leg abductor 3 sets of 10 at 45 kilos
Leg adductor 3 sets of 10 at 45 kilos
Calf muscle exercise 3 sets of 10 each set 100 kilos
Squats 30 reps with 30kg

Gym Playlist:
The Prodigy -- "Smack My Bitch Up"
Foster the People -- "Coming of Age"
John Newman -- "Love Me Again"
The Yeah Yeah Yeah's -- "Zero"
Imagine Dragons - "RadioActive"
Republica - "Drop Dead Gorgeous"
The Killers - "Read My Mind"


Thoughts:

Well, I dosed myself up on Ny-Quil last night and slept really well.  My throat doesn't hurt any more but my sinuses are blocked up.  I managed to go to the gym this morning and do a reasonable legs session.  It was difficult but I pulled myself through.  It was hard though as I think that my head still feels the effects of the Ny-Quil

Eating is still on track.  I just need to get myself to the gym each day.  I am going to try and do interval training tomorrow just to get the body going and burning again.

I have taken the step back to the gym, time to build on it and keep going. Keep pushing. I can and will get into my red coat by my birthday. 



         

September 10th Day 18 --> A Hard Gym Session and Feeling Sorry for Yourself

Breakfast:  2 Paleo Almond/Raspberry Muffins, Coffee with Honey and Almond Milk

Lunch:  Olives, cucumber, red onion, tomatoes,

Dinner:  Meatballs, salad with olives

Water:  2 Liters

Exercise:  A Hard Personal Training Session!!!!

Thoughts:

This morning I dragged my ass out of bed.  I am knackered.  Really knackered. Plus my sore throat is still here.  I dragged myself to the gym and I didn't really want to be there.

But Dan put me through my paces.  Started with jump rope for 5 minutes. We did a circuit.  Dead Lifts, Tyre drag (fucking hard!!!) and tyre flips.

Then we did tyre flips and after each flip, I had to do 10 press ups.  Then 10 squats while holding this big tyre, then 10 crunches.  I had to do this rope thing which was hard.  He tied the rope to the end and I was about 10 meters away and I had to lift this big thick rope and slam it down.

My upper body isn't strong like my lower body so I find things like this hard.  I kind of whimpered through it.  I didn't really chat with Dan except when he made me run a kilometre on the treadmill...the music on in the background was Justin Bieber....I swore under my breath and Dan laughed.  I think he knew something was up so he was ok with me.

When I finished and left I started thinking.  My body felt better.  I felt stronger.  I haven't been going to the gym as much as I have wanted to.

I am still tired as I write this now but I think that it's a case of I am tired because I haven't been exercising.  It's a strange one so here I am feeling a bit sorry for myself because I have let excuses get in the way.

So I need to push myself to get my body back to losing weight and getting back to feeling like I am back in my prime.  I know that it will be hard and I know that the bed is too enticing but I need to get into my stride again. I was doing so well.

So I have downed a dose of Ny-Quil and I am guaranteed 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Tomorrow is a new and better day.

September 9th Day 17 --> The Effects of Stress

Breakfast:  Paleo friendly Almond and Raspberry Muffins

Lunch:  Chicken, bacon, cucumber, tomato, olives, red onion and red pepper

Dinner:  Left over fajita spiced chicken with salad and olives

Exercise:  none

Thoughts:

The reason why I have started this way of life is to lose weight, obviously, but to also have a better functioning body and digestive system.

I have found that my body is functioning better than it was.  The cravings are pretty much gone.  I do get some moments like when I see pictures of cakes, burgers, pizzas and things like that.  But I get myself back into line and I am ok.

But there is one factor that you cannot account for:  Stress.

The last few days at work have been stressful for me and my boyfriend work wise.   But we are getting through this. 

We function and deal with stress in different ways.  The boyfriend yells, screams, shouts, swears, throws stuff and generally acts like an ass.

Me?  I tend to keep quiet, keep my head down and not speak unless I am spoken to.  I don't try and panic.  I try to keep myself level at all times.  It's hard sometimes though.  So where does the stress go?  Straight to my stomach.  What do I get?  Gassy, sore tummy, tiredness, cranky, and generally feel drained.

That is how I have felt the last few days.  So how am I going to combat this?

Well, first of all I should be going to the gym.  I haven't and for that I truly feel like an ass.  Tomorrow is personal training with Dan so that will light a fire under me.  My sleeping pattern has been wacky so I need to settle back down.  I have been reading up on how to relax and get myself settled for bed. 

Tonight I will have peppermint tea, a hot water bottle and an early night.

So tomorrow will be a better day.  I will win this battle!!!

September 8th Day 16 --> On a Sore Throat and A Bad Night's Sleep

Breakfast:  2 Edible Paleo Almond and Raspberry Muffins

Lunch:  Chicken Salad with Olives

Dinner:  Fajita flavoured chicken with a red onion, pepper, tomato, cucumber, olive salad with a chilli and lime dressing

Exercise:  None

Thoughts:  Didn't sleep at all last night as I have a horribly sore throat.  It feels dry and scratchy and uncomfortable.   This is bullshit.  I need sleep.  I somehow managed to stay on my diet even thought temptation and crankiness pointed me to a turkey, cheese and mayo sandwich.  That would have made me happy.

Work was horrible today.  There were IT issues that went straight over my head so I didn't really pay attention to food as such.  I was more stuck in with trying to get ourselves back up and running and taking cough drops to try and stop my sore throat!!! 

I am going to have to bring out the big guns tonight.  I am desperate for some sleep so I will have to get out the old Ny-Quil and force myself to get 8 hours!!!!

I want to go to the gym.  I am desperate to go.  I feel bad because I am not keeping up my side of the bargain on this.  The eating is ok I just need to go to back to the gym and get my ass into gear.  I know that I need to keep at this.  It's imperative.

September 7th Day 15 --> Paleo? Try Fail-eo!!!

Breakfast: Coffee with Honey and Almond Milk

Snack:  Almond and a raspberry muffins (Paleo recipe-they are edible)

Dinner: lamb with salad 

Exercise:  None

Thoughts: 

Well this weekend has been a write off for exercise. I have been lazy. Really lazy. But I made some Paleo friendly muffins.

You see, I am not the best cook. In fact I'm pretty crap. But lately I have been doing alright. I mean, I have been making food that edible! I decided to try a few of the recipes just to shake things up.

So I decided to try Paleo almond muffins. I bought all the ingredients as per the site. Now the site I am following is an American site; I live in England. I didn't think it would be an issue. Guess what, it is!

Firstly, the recipe called for almond butter, so when I did my food shopping (we do online food shopping) I selected almond butter but didn't convert it to the American measurement. The almond butter I bought was interesting. It was expensive, organic so it was high quality but there wasn't enough for the recipe! Fail number 1.

Fail number 2:  the recipe called for coconut oil. Coconut oil is not in liquid form, but in a solid form. The recipe said to melt it. So I put it in a plastic tub and chucked it in the microwave. I then went on my merry way and finished doing the rest of the recipe.  When it pinged and when I opened the microwave door, the coconut oil flowed out of the microwave like a tidal wave. What was left of the plastic container cemented itself to the microwave plate. That was a face palm moment for sure. To make it worse? The boyfriend thought it was hilarious. I mean really hilarious. I felt stupid. So I took a saucepan out and tried again.

I mixed everything together and the end result? Edible muffins. Not the best but I tried.

I am trying a recipe for lunch tomorrow. Paleo breaded chicken. It cooks for 35 minutes at 180. I went to flip the chicken over and I realised I set the oven to 250 degrees. Smart!!!! It's not ruined I don't think. I just need to watch it. Sigh. I made mistakes so I know what will work next time. I'm not disheartened at all. I am more determined. I wasted this weekend and I am not going to waste anymore days.

So back to the gym tomorrow, back to eating back to the plan!!!!!!

September 6th Day 14 --> I Am Never Drinking Again!!

Breakfast:  None

Snack:  Avocado and Olives

Dinner:  Sausage and salad

Exercise:  None

Thoughts:

Well, last nights antics left me sick.i ate very little and drink too much. The funny thing us the amount I drank last night I used to drink constantly and I never got trashed. Eating clean has caused my body to get drunk quicker so today was spent trying to get housework done but mostly sitting on my ass watching movies. 

It's taught me a lesson though. Drink in moderation because this isn't big or clever!!! So it's an early night for me and the boyfriend, back to the gym tomorrow. And tomorrow I am going to attempt to bake some Paleo cupcakes. Fingers crossed!!!!

September 5th Day 13 --> It's Fridddaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy!!

Breakfast:  Bacon, sausage and egg

Lunch:  chicken, bacon and avocado salad with olives

Dinner:  None

Drinks:  1.5 liters of water
              coffee with almond and honey

Exercise:  None

Thoughts: 

Well, I am feeling a lot better.  I should have gone to the gym this morning I know.  I am kicking myself for that.  Sleep is a lot better and the constipation, I think, is sorted so my body is getting stronger and used to this way of eating.

Temptation isn't an issue as such any more.  The only issue is the one I am experiencing tonight.  Tonight we are going out for a drink after work.  I have had the cheeky glass of red here and there and I am losing weight but I don't know what to do or drink. 

Sigh.   It's hard sometimes this way of eating but it's about adapting.  So I will check my options and take it from there.

The hardest bit will be after the night.  We all tend to go for a pizza or something so that's going to be the test.

My goals for tonight:  don't get drunk and don't get an extra large cheesy pizza because that is going to cause pain for tomorrow!!!! 

September 4th Day 12 --> Sleep! Sweet, Blissful Sleep!!

Breakfast:  Strawberries and Grapes and a coffee with Almond milk and honey

Lunch:  Tuna, cucumber, red onion, red pepper, olives, tomato with a lime and chilli vinegar dressing

Dinner:  Burrito spiced meat and a salad with olives, cucumber, tomato, red onion, red pepper and a chilli and lime dressing

Exercise:  Rest day, upper body is sore!!!!

Thoughts:  Last night I finally got a great full night of sleep!!  The new earplugs worked a treat!  I took a rest day because my arms are so sore and I was desperate for the sleep!!  God, I was shattered!!!

My attitude towards my eating is better.  I am not craving pizza and stuff like that really anymore.  I used to get hungry quite a bit but that has subsided also. 

When I was making burritoes tonight for dinner, I didn't even blink when I served his up mounded with cheese and salsa.  I think I have well and truly broken through.

The constipation, I think, has been resolved.  So it took some time but I am getting there.

I am feeling a lot more confident in my goals that I have purchased a few dresses the next dress size down. 

Now that I have broken through the sleep deprivation barrier I feel confident in getting to a good level of fitness so I can start shredding the body fat off.

September 3rd Day 11 --> Lack of Sleep and Another Bad Gym Session

Breakfast:  Hot Water and Lemon, Strawberries and Grapes

Lunch:  Chicken, avocado, bacon, salad, olives, mixed seeds and salad

Dinner:  Chilli

Exercise:  Hard PT Arms Session with Dan
Shoulder Press - Started with no weights and then worked it up
Dumbbell Routine
Sprints on an incline

Drinks:
2 liters of water
coffee with almond milk and honey (honey is a better sweetener than sugar for coffee.  It made it taste lovely!!)

Thoughts:

Last night the boyfriend and I had an early night.  Pretty much as soon as my head hit the pillow, I fell asleep.  Then woke up at midnight, drank some water and went back to sleep and then I went to sleep again, woke up with the worst tummy ache ever.  It's a combination of the constipation problem and the fact that my little monthly friend has decided to come for a visit.  Nice.  Bloated, sore tummy.

I couldn't get comfy again and I ended up waking my boyfriend up.  He gave me a cuddle and I tried to get back to sleep.  Another night's sleep gone!!!

I got up for my Personal Training session and it was hell. 

Dan the Personal Trainer takes no prisoners!!!  He's been working at the gym since it opened back in 2012.  He's tough and today he pushed me to the point that I was a whiney bitch.  My body is tired but I managed, somehow, to get through it.   When we were doing the sprints I dragged my body through it.  And I mean dragged.  I was wimpering, grimicing, and almost in tears.  I felt like the biggest pussy in the whole world.

But Dan was very patient and supportive as always.  He got me through the workout like a pro and I went back home.  I could have happily gone straight to bed and fallen asleep.

Well, there is a positive on this, the constipation issue has resolved itself...but I am dashing the toilet every 5 minutes....grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!! 

I am just praying this passes and that I can get a full night's sleep.  I need it.

September 2nd Day 10 --> the Worst Workout Ever!!!

Breakfast:   Hot water with lemon, Strawberries and Grapes

Lunch:  Tuna, red onion, red pepper, olives, mixed seeds, tomatoes, cucumber with white vinegar

Dinner:  Chicken Stirfry with garlic, honey and lemon sauce

Drinks: 2 litres of water

            1 cheeky glass of red wine

Exercise:  Chest And Back
Lat Pull Down Version 1: 3 sets of 7 starting at 50 kilos and dropping 7.5 kilos each set
Lat Pull Down Version 2: 3 sets of 7 starting at 55 kilos and dropping 7.5 kilos each set
Seated Floor Pulley Row:  3 sets of 7 starting at 50 kilos and dropping 7.5 kilos each set
Chest Press:  3 sets of 7 starting at 40 kilos and dropping 5 kilos each set
Lower Back:  3 sets of 10 at 40 kilos
Recumbent bike:  18 minutes

Playlist:
Corona - "Rhythm of the Night" (started out Old School!)
Blink 182 - "All the Small Things"
Alice in Chains - "Man in a Box"
Kasabian - "Fire"
Kasabian - "Empire"
Bastille - "Pompeii"
The Automatic - "Monster"
Kasabian - "Eez-Eh"

Thoughts:
 This morning, I officially had the shittiest, worst workout ever.  It was a case of I should have stayed in bed.  Sleep proved difficult last night....again.

I just couldn't get to sleep and I found myself at mid night wide awake which isn't right for me.  I am usually asleep by 10 or so.  The boyfriend woke me up with his snoring again, but he said that he is going to buy me from one of his suppliers at work some industrial strength ear plugs that someone would use on a construction site.  I hope that will stop me being woken up.  I woke up 3 minutes before my alarm went off and I don't know how I did it but I physically dragged myself out of bed.  The thought of going back into bed and sleeping for that extra hour and a bit was really tempting.  I mean, really tempting.  But I dragged myself to the gym.

When I went out to my little car, I noticed the condensation on my car and I remembered why I am doing this.  Soon it won't be condensation on the car, it will be frost or snow which means I will need to be wearing a winter coat and as I can't fit into mine...yeah, I have to get my ass to the gym

When I got to the gym, it was like I was in a trance.  Nothing I lifted felt right.  Everything felt heavy, even though I know that I can easily lift it on any other day.  But I soldiered on.

When it got to my interval training, I walked on the treadmill at my normal pace but that felt like I was traversing a mountain.  Then came time for the jog, I jogged awkwardly and slammed my hand on the stop button.  This just wasn't going to happen.   Sigh.

So I walked to the bike and went on that for 18 minutes, the intended time for my interval training.  But in that time, I made a new workout playlist as I had downloaded some new tunes recently and I wanted to get a good playlist going.

But 2 positives I need to point out today.  I wearing today a cute dress that I haven't been able to wear ever.  It's always been too tight.  Yes, the sucking in knickers are on (I really can't wait to get fit so I don't have to wear them ever again!!) but the dress fits nicely and the boyfriend complimented me on it this morning....maybe that was because it's low cut and I am rocking some serious cleavage.....I always did say that my boobs brought out his eyes....

I purchased a food processer because I have found some fabulous recipes that require me to do more than open a premade salad and put on a plate.  So I am excited to try that out.

But tomorrow is a new day, and I have my personal training session with Dan, my trainer.-, in the morning.  I am looking forward to it because he always works me to the point of where I want to punch him in the throat, which is a good thing. I am paying to be pushed, to work myself until I fall down and collapse and not for a grease down and a shiatsu.  I sometimes wish that he would push me more because I know that I am capable of doing more I just need someone to believe in me.  (I just read that back and I want to punch myself in the face and tell myself to man up)  Yeah, that is going to be hard as he said that we are going through a new training plan.  Gulp.  But this getting me closer to buttoning up that coat and slipping into my gorgeous body con dress so it's all good!!!

September 1st Day 9 --> I Can't Get No Sleep

Breakfast: Oatmeal with strawberries and bananas and almond milk
                Coffee with Almond Milk and honey

Lunch:  Fajita seasoned chicken with red pepper, onions, salad, jalepenos, olives, mixed seeds and chopped tomatoes with garlic

Dinner:   Meatballs with salad, olives, mixed seeds

Drinks:  2 litres of water

Exercise: Rest Day

Thoughts:
Throughout time as a torture technique people have used sleep deprivation.  Lack of sleep has the same effect as being drunk and impairs the body worse than alcohol does.

From my experience when I have been losing weight in the past, a good night's sleep is key to losing weight.  Researching this in depth, sleep is when your body does it's repairs after a workout.

Well, last night, I got fuck all sleep.  At first I couldn't get comfortable in bed.  I was too hot, then I couldn't get my pillows positioned right.  I usually sleep on my tummy and that didn't even feel comfortable.

Then to compound the problem, the boyfriend started snoring.  And I mean snoring. It was so loud that I could hear it even though I was wearing ear plugs.  It sounded like a car that is stuck in the mud trying to get out.  I then thought, do I bludgeon him to death with the lamp on my bedside cabinet or put a plastic bag over his face?...hmmmmmm...I then thought nah, regulation prison orange doesn't compliment my skin tone and hair colour...so I decided it was best that I got up and went to sleep on couch.

That was twice as uncomfortable.  No support for my back.  I attempted to get to sleep but after 2 hours, I got back up and went back to bed.  At least I was somewhat comfortable.  So I put my sleep mask on and tried to salvage some sleep.  So I pussied out of a workout because I tried to get sleep even though I was wide awake and could have gone.

So today I felt bad.  I ate well, I think.  But the fact that I didn't get a workout in because I thought that I could choose sleep has bothered me all day.

But I have found one thing.  If you have a bad day, don't spoil it even more by eating crap.  That's what I would have done in the past.  But I kept with the plan, I ate well and I know that I most likely will sleep well tonight so I can get up and work my chest and back tomorrow.

Tomorrow is a new day, a new start and so I intend on making the most of it.