Breakfast: 2 Hard Boiled Eggs
Snack: Vegetable crudettes (cucumber and red pepper) and 2 pots of low fat houmous from Tesco
Lunch: Chicken Stirfry
Dinner: Chilli with Rice
Exercise: Kathryn's Circuit and 12 minutes of walking on the treadmill at an incline
Thoughts:
Well after the shitty day I had yesterday, today has been an improvement. I got fuck all sleep (4 hours according to the Fit Bit. That's down to the boyfriend snoring, moving and kicking me in his sleep) but I dragged myself to the gym for a workout.
I went straight in and did my clean and press, squats, lunges and such. I felt strong and great doing that. I then did a weighted squat shoulder press with a 15 kilo barbell super setted with a tricep dips.....Big mistake!! My arms tired out after the second set but at least I tried something new.
I then went to try my intervals. Wow. That was a big pile of suck. I sprinted at 11 kilometers an hour for 30 seconds and I felt like I was going to die. So I decided to walk on an incline. So I did that for 12 minutes.
It doesn't sound like much but I got back to the gym. I broke out of my snit and I am back working out in the morning. Plus I had a great day with my eating. I am feeling confident again.
It's funny what a good cry can do for you. Yesterday I felt low. Really low. Today I am better. I still have some bad feelings about my body (especially when there is a gorgeous petite blonde at the gym dead lifting wearing a sports bra showcasing a perfect flat tummy) but I am refocusing, remembering what Kathryn said, this is my change. My journey. Fuck everyone else. So I am keeping that in mind.
I bought a dress on eBay today that is an Oasis size 12. This dress is important because 12 years ago I had the same dress but in a size 14 when I was smaller and I loved it. It's a classic khaki military styled shirt dress. (military style is going to be back in style this year) I loved that dress and was gutted when I got so fat that I couldn't wear it anymore. So I found it again in a size smaller and I am determined to get into that dress by August/September. The measurements are Bust: 36 inches, Waist 29 inches and hips 38 inches. That means that I have to lose 4.5 inches from my chest, 7 inches from my waist and 8 inches from my hips.
That looks like a lot, but I am breaking it down each week. Each week I get closer. I have a tangible goal and a few little goals a long the way.
So feel like I am mentally back on track. I have a lot to do in the next few weeks to get my fitness back but I am not letting Bronchitis or anything else get me down. This is my journey. My life and I am more determined than ever to make the best of it!!!!
Tuesday, 24 February 2015
Monday, 23 February 2015
On Throwing a Bad Body Pity Party
Breakfast: Strawberry and Grapes
Lunch: Grilled Chicken with olives, red pepper, cucumber, spinach with a teriyaki dressing
Dinner: chicken Kiev with steamed veggies
Exercise: Kathryn besasted my legs yesterday so rest
Thoughts:
This past weekend was a shit nasty craptastcular weekend. I mean if there was a crapometer, I think that it would have gone off the scale.
After the effects of the antibiotics, Mother Nature decided to drop a bomb...I mean gift on me. Yes, the arrival of a period. I don't get these often but when I do I bleed heavily, I become tired, cranky, moody and I bloat out to the size of a whale. I was feeling fat and ugly.
On Sunday everything came to a head. I went to my Personal Training session with Kathryn. I felt emotional already and then when I had to do my clean and press while a MILF looking Barbie with the perfect body and fake tits and a forehead that didn't move was exercising next to me.
She was chatting to Kathryn saying that she was so stressed because she hasn't eaten bread for 3 days I snapped back, darling my thighs touch!!!!
I think that she looked shocked...I mean her forehead couldn't move so I think it was shock.....and she giggled. I finished my last set and Kathryn got me on the leg press. I did a personal best and beasted the leg press. I did the best weight ever!!! We then went over to do my bench press and there was Silicon enhanced Barbie.
She was at the squat rack and was finding it hard to get the clips off the barbell. She didn't want to break her long fake talons.
This big buff guy came over and said something along the lines of hey, do you need help?
Barbie giggled and said something along the lines of oh thank you. I don't think I would have ever figured that out.
I seethed. I really, really, hated this skinny bitch.
Usually women like that don't bother me. I usually just smile and laugh it off and focus on my shit but yesterday, I could have taken a dumbbell and throttled that silicon enhanced bitch! She just really pissed me off.
I remembered what Mama said. If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all. So I didn't say anything for the rest of the session. I just went for it.
When I got to my car I burst into tears. At that point I hated my body. I hated the big fat flabby tummy, I hated the wobbly thighs. I hated myself. I wanted to go to my boyfriend and tell him to be with another woman because I was too fat and too ugly.
A wise person once said, you will get further by loving your body than hating it. I usually believe that.
I have recently been admiring the fact that my shoulders and triceps are now popping through. That my calf muscles are sculpted to perfection...that Kathryn is even in awe of my calf muscles. I was seeing the results. My measurements are going down.
Having the bronchitis has really fucked up my confidence and has sent me on an emotional rollercoaster of self loathing and self hating. I basically have been throwing myself a Bad Body Image Pity Party. It has made me carry resentment and rancour towards strangers. It has made me an absolute miserable bitch to the people that I love. I am acting in a way that is not like me.
I have been in a snit. I have been under the weather. But in defense, sometimes you need to release these insecurities. I am a human after all.
In this blog, I know I keep saying it, you will get to see the reality, the good, the bad and the ugly of what I have had to go through.
The last few days have been ugly as hell.
I realized what a total ass I was on Sunday and I texted Kathryn:
"Hey you. Feeling a bit better. Yesterday was a disaster from start to finish. Ended in tears. so focusing on my diet today. Will be in better form on Thursday. sorry for being a total bitch yesterday xxx"
I got this response from her:
"I bet, you were completely out of character. Good refocus, don't let other people or their diets/bodies.thoughts/etc get to you. I am saying this because I struggle with the same thing, DO NOT compare yourself to anyone else, they are not you and don't have the same good/bad in their life, other people have issues too but most will only show you the best bits of themselves, or them on a good day...nobody posts pics on Facebook of themselves when they are bloated or on their period or full of cole saws etc! I know what it's like to not be happy with how you look, but don't let that shit get in the way. If you really want something you can get it but you need to focus. I accept your apology! Just be on your best behavior on Thursday and get back to the bitch that lifts and focuses on her own goals and nobody else's ok?!? xxx"
She is so right. This is my journey, no one elses. This is up to me to get my finger out of my ass and man the fuck up.
Yes, it is ok to have a bad self esteem day but those are the days where you need to be nice to yourself and take care of your body the most. Those are the days where you have to give yourself a mental hug and those are the days that it's ok to cry.
But remember why you started. Remember why you get up at stupid o clock to work out. Remember why you say no to ice cream and yes to fruit. Those are the days were you need to give yourself a pat on the back and to be proud what you have accomplished/
This journey is hard. It is the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life. but I need to do this for my physical health and mental health. It's a journey that is personal to me. So personal and close that I am crying as I write this.
I am rambling on so I will close with this. Fall down 7 times, get up eight. Be strong and keep going.
Lunch: Grilled Chicken with olives, red pepper, cucumber, spinach with a teriyaki dressing
Dinner: chicken Kiev with steamed veggies
Exercise: Kathryn besasted my legs yesterday so rest
Thoughts:
This past weekend was a shit nasty craptastcular weekend. I mean if there was a crapometer, I think that it would have gone off the scale.
After the effects of the antibiotics, Mother Nature decided to drop a bomb...I mean gift on me. Yes, the arrival of a period. I don't get these often but when I do I bleed heavily, I become tired, cranky, moody and I bloat out to the size of a whale. I was feeling fat and ugly.
On Sunday everything came to a head. I went to my Personal Training session with Kathryn. I felt emotional already and then when I had to do my clean and press while a MILF looking Barbie with the perfect body and fake tits and a forehead that didn't move was exercising next to me.
She was chatting to Kathryn saying that she was so stressed because she hasn't eaten bread for 3 days I snapped back, darling my thighs touch!!!!
I think that she looked shocked...I mean her forehead couldn't move so I think it was shock.....and she giggled. I finished my last set and Kathryn got me on the leg press. I did a personal best and beasted the leg press. I did the best weight ever!!! We then went over to do my bench press and there was Silicon enhanced Barbie.
She was at the squat rack and was finding it hard to get the clips off the barbell. She didn't want to break her long fake talons.
This big buff guy came over and said something along the lines of hey, do you need help?
Barbie giggled and said something along the lines of oh thank you. I don't think I would have ever figured that out.
I seethed. I really, really, hated this skinny bitch.
Usually women like that don't bother me. I usually just smile and laugh it off and focus on my shit but yesterday, I could have taken a dumbbell and throttled that silicon enhanced bitch! She just really pissed me off.
I remembered what Mama said. If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all. So I didn't say anything for the rest of the session. I just went for it.
When I got to my car I burst into tears. At that point I hated my body. I hated the big fat flabby tummy, I hated the wobbly thighs. I hated myself. I wanted to go to my boyfriend and tell him to be with another woman because I was too fat and too ugly.
A wise person once said, you will get further by loving your body than hating it. I usually believe that.
I have recently been admiring the fact that my shoulders and triceps are now popping through. That my calf muscles are sculpted to perfection...that Kathryn is even in awe of my calf muscles. I was seeing the results. My measurements are going down.
Having the bronchitis has really fucked up my confidence and has sent me on an emotional rollercoaster of self loathing and self hating. I basically have been throwing myself a Bad Body Image Pity Party. It has made me carry resentment and rancour towards strangers. It has made me an absolute miserable bitch to the people that I love. I am acting in a way that is not like me.
I have been in a snit. I have been under the weather. But in defense, sometimes you need to release these insecurities. I am a human after all.
In this blog, I know I keep saying it, you will get to see the reality, the good, the bad and the ugly of what I have had to go through.
The last few days have been ugly as hell.
I realized what a total ass I was on Sunday and I texted Kathryn:
"Hey you. Feeling a bit better. Yesterday was a disaster from start to finish. Ended in tears. so focusing on my diet today. Will be in better form on Thursday. sorry for being a total bitch yesterday xxx"
I got this response from her:
"I bet, you were completely out of character. Good refocus, don't let other people or their diets/bodies.thoughts/etc get to you. I am saying this because I struggle with the same thing, DO NOT compare yourself to anyone else, they are not you and don't have the same good/bad in their life, other people have issues too but most will only show you the best bits of themselves, or them on a good day...nobody posts pics on Facebook of themselves when they are bloated or on their period or full of cole saws etc! I know what it's like to not be happy with how you look, but don't let that shit get in the way. If you really want something you can get it but you need to focus. I accept your apology! Just be on your best behavior on Thursday and get back to the bitch that lifts and focuses on her own goals and nobody else's ok?!? xxx"
She is so right. This is my journey, no one elses. This is up to me to get my finger out of my ass and man the fuck up.
Yes, it is ok to have a bad self esteem day but those are the days where you need to be nice to yourself and take care of your body the most. Those are the days where you have to give yourself a mental hug and those are the days that it's ok to cry.
But remember why you started. Remember why you get up at stupid o clock to work out. Remember why you say no to ice cream and yes to fruit. Those are the days were you need to give yourself a pat on the back and to be proud what you have accomplished/
This journey is hard. It is the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life. but I need to do this for my physical health and mental health. It's a journey that is personal to me. So personal and close that I am crying as I write this.
I am rambling on so I will close with this. Fall down 7 times, get up eight. Be strong and keep going.
Thursday, 19 February 2015
On a Great Workout Session and No More Antibiotics!!!
Breakfast: Banana and Alpro Soy yogurt
Snack: Cucumbers, red peppers and houmous
Lunch: John West Tuna with sundried tomato couscous lunch pot (This was ok...not impressed totally)
Dinner: Turkey, bacon and avocado spinach salad
Exercise:
A kick ass mother fucking awesome session with Kathryn!!
Thoughts:
Firstly, let's all rejoice!! Anti Biotics are gone! Done! No more! (Cue loads of happy dancing!!!) I feel tired. Exhausted. Pooped. My tummy is still massive. I struggled to get through the working day.
But I am looking forward. I have overcome a massive hurdle. It's now time to shake that off and move on.
So back to Spinning tomorrow. I have also signed up for a bikram yoga class. Amazing!! I am excited!!! It's every Saturday morning and you burn more calories because it's hot. I read that with my current weight I can burn about 930 calories doing an hour of Bikram Yoga. That's amazing!!!! I am so excited to start!
I ran it past Kathryn and she thinks it's a great idea as a way to destress and relax plus you burn shitloads of calories so it's all good!!!
Onwards and upwards!!!
Snack: Cucumbers, red peppers and houmous
Lunch: John West Tuna with sundried tomato couscous lunch pot (This was ok...not impressed totally)
Dinner: Turkey, bacon and avocado spinach salad
Exercise:
A kick ass mother fucking awesome session with Kathryn!!
Thoughts:
Firstly, let's all rejoice!! Anti Biotics are gone! Done! No more! (Cue loads of happy dancing!!!) I feel tired. Exhausted. Pooped. My tummy is still massive. I struggled to get through the working day.
But I am looking forward. I have overcome a massive hurdle. It's now time to shake that off and move on.
So back to Spinning tomorrow. I have also signed up for a bikram yoga class. Amazing!! I am excited!!! It's every Saturday morning and you burn more calories because it's hot. I read that with my current weight I can burn about 930 calories doing an hour of Bikram Yoga. That's amazing!!!! I am so excited to start!
I ran it past Kathryn and she thinks it's a great idea as a way to destress and relax plus you burn shitloads of calories so it's all good!!!
Onwards and upwards!!!
Wednesday, 18 February 2015
Bread Cravings and the Side Effects of Antibiotics
Breakfast: Strawberries and grapes
Lunch: Chicken, cucumber, red pepper, feta (goat and sheep milk) and spinach salad with a teriyaki, white wine vinegar and olive oil dressing (this turned out amazing!!!!)
Dinner Chilli with rice
Water: 2 liters
Exercise: Rested
Thoughts:
Ok, These Antibiotics are seriously pissing me off. I have 1 more day of this to go,. Yes, my bronchitis is gone. But in exchange for that I am suffering from the following: Exhaustion, light headedness, thrush, insomnia, constipation and I have developed a sore on the side of my mouth. I feel and look a mess.
I am upset, to be honest. Upset that I got sick. I was doing so well. I was in the zone, making strides. My motivation was up there. This bout of sickness really KO'd me and my confidence. My tummy was getting flatter and now it is big and bloated. I mean it's massive. I am not farting or anything but I can't poop. It's irritating.
But I need to put this into perspective. Firstly, I didn't die. Secondly, I still have use of my legs and my limbs and body for that matter. Thirdly, I finish my antibiotics tomorrow!!!!! This nightmare will end tomorrow!!!!
So I need to wipe my tears away, remember my motivation and stop craving bread.
Yes, you read that right. I am having the worst cravings for bread. Toasted bread with melted butter on top...mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...I have never been a bread craver but I am totally and utterly craving this stuff. It's what I am thinking about all the time. Warm, buttery toast....
But warm buttery toast is going to put myself backwards, not where I need to be. Warm buttery toast is going to destroy my goals. Everything that I worked for. IT'S NOT WORTH IT!!!
So I have written this mantra down. "I am not a slave to food. I do not need it to make me happy. Happiness is my body measurements and weight on the scale going down."
I have put that at my desk, in my wallet and I plan to put it on my refrigerator at home. Anything to keep me on track.
This was a little pimple on the ass of life...it's nothing....a gnat's ass as my best friend would say!
So I look forward to an awesome session with Kathryn tomorrow morning and to get my body back into shape.
Lunch: Chicken, cucumber, red pepper, feta (goat and sheep milk) and spinach salad with a teriyaki, white wine vinegar and olive oil dressing (this turned out amazing!!!!)
Dinner Chilli with rice
Water: 2 liters
Exercise: Rested
Thoughts:
Ok, These Antibiotics are seriously pissing me off. I have 1 more day of this to go,. Yes, my bronchitis is gone. But in exchange for that I am suffering from the following: Exhaustion, light headedness, thrush, insomnia, constipation and I have developed a sore on the side of my mouth. I feel and look a mess.
I am upset, to be honest. Upset that I got sick. I was doing so well. I was in the zone, making strides. My motivation was up there. This bout of sickness really KO'd me and my confidence. My tummy was getting flatter and now it is big and bloated. I mean it's massive. I am not farting or anything but I can't poop. It's irritating.
But I need to put this into perspective. Firstly, I didn't die. Secondly, I still have use of my legs and my limbs and body for that matter. Thirdly, I finish my antibiotics tomorrow!!!!! This nightmare will end tomorrow!!!!
So I need to wipe my tears away, remember my motivation and stop craving bread.
Yes, you read that right. I am having the worst cravings for bread. Toasted bread with melted butter on top...mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...I have never been a bread craver but I am totally and utterly craving this stuff. It's what I am thinking about all the time. Warm, buttery toast....
But warm buttery toast is going to put myself backwards, not where I need to be. Warm buttery toast is going to destroy my goals. Everything that I worked for. IT'S NOT WORTH IT!!!
So I have written this mantra down. "I am not a slave to food. I do not need it to make me happy. Happiness is my body measurements and weight on the scale going down."
I have put that at my desk, in my wallet and I plan to put it on my refrigerator at home. Anything to keep me on track.
This was a little pimple on the ass of life...it's nothing....a gnat's ass as my best friend would say!
So I look forward to an awesome session with Kathryn tomorrow morning and to get my body back into shape.
Tuesday, 17 February 2015
Back in Training Form
Breakfast: Vanilla Soy Yogurt with Strawberries and Blueberries
Snack: Cucumbers and Red Pepper with Houmous
Lunch: Low Fat Chicken Chow Mein
Snack: Banana
Dinner: Chicken Pepper Stir Fry
Dessert: Lemon and Lime Soy Yogurt
Exercise:
30 minutes of cardio
Thoughts
Last Thursday the sickness came to a head. I went to the doctors and they said it was bronchitis. So I have been resting and taking my meds (which have caused some side effects that I don't really want: insomnia, thrush, bloating, constipation, and light headedness) and I am recovering slowly. Today I decided that I was going to go back to the gym and get myself eating healthily again.
the hard bit will be to get up in the morning to go to the gym but after Thursday I am finished with my course of antibiotics so I should get back to normalcy soon, fingers crossed.
I also had a dose of motivation delivered to me today. I bought skirt that has a 32 inch waist and 42 inch hips. I am determined to be in that skirt by April. It's a black and white striped maxi skirt. I have the outfit planned out in my head. I see myself wearing a black vest, my black platform wedge sandals, that skirt and silver accessories. I see me walking through the Liverpool city center without a care in the world with a waist line that I can be proud of.
Snack: Cucumbers and Red Pepper with Houmous
Lunch: Low Fat Chicken Chow Mein
Snack: Banana
Dinner: Chicken Pepper Stir Fry
Dessert: Lemon and Lime Soy Yogurt
Exercise:
30 minutes of cardio
Thoughts
Last Thursday the sickness came to a head. I went to the doctors and they said it was bronchitis. So I have been resting and taking my meds (which have caused some side effects that I don't really want: insomnia, thrush, bloating, constipation, and light headedness) and I am recovering slowly. Today I decided that I was going to go back to the gym and get myself eating healthily again.
the hard bit will be to get up in the morning to go to the gym but after Thursday I am finished with my course of antibiotics so I should get back to normalcy soon, fingers crossed.
I also had a dose of motivation delivered to me today. I bought skirt that has a 32 inch waist and 42 inch hips. I am determined to be in that skirt by April. It's a black and white striped maxi skirt. I have the outfit planned out in my head. I see myself wearing a black vest, my black platform wedge sandals, that skirt and silver accessories. I see me walking through the Liverpool city center without a care in the world with a waist line that I can be proud of.
So I went to the gym in the evening after work and did 30 minutes of cardio. It wasn't much but it was something.
Tomorrow will be better and each day I'll get stronger. Soon I'll be back fighting fit!
Monday, 9 February 2015
On Having a Break and Having a Cold
Hi All!
I am sorry that I have been away. I went to Amsterdam on January 30th and then when I got back I was KO'd by a chest cold. (I am still suffering) So I haven't been to the gym.
It was seriously irritating and aggravating as I was doing so well. I was building up good momentum and in the "zone".
The trip to Amsterdam taught me a lot about my eating habits. Because I was eating at certain times a day, if I missed a meal, I got proper narky. Like, really narky. I had the shakes, I felt light headed and I became a total bitch. So lesson learned. You need to eat!!!
I did eat some naughty things but I made up for it by walking everywhere. My pedometer said that that on the Saturday I walked a massive 17,563 steps!!! My legs felt it!! So when I got back I weighed myself and I only gained 1 pound. Considering that I ate some foods that I shouldn't have, I didn't get good sleep I consider that a good result.
When I got home, I didn't feel too good. I put it down to not eating well. I then found that I came down with a bitch of a chest cold. I mean, it's bad. Really bad.
It started out with a horrible cough. This cough hurt my throat to the point of tears. It felt like someone was ripping my throat with a rake. I would get coughing fits that would leave me without a voice and loads of tears. Pretty grim.
I basically spent last week just resting as best as I could. My appetite is non existent and my energy levels....depleted. I just literally felt like I had all the energy sucked out of me. My eating has been sporadic.
On the plus side, I lost the pound that I gained from Amsterdam but not in a good way.
So tonight I had a training session with Kathryn. It was hard but I pushed my body through it. I need to get back into the groove and back on course.
I get angry as I feel like I go 2 steps forward and 12 steps back. So this week I am doing everything I can to get back to normalcy. After all I have a gorgeous jumpsuit to get into for Saturday! So onwards and upwards! Let's get back to normal and back to losing the weight correctly, safely and healthily!!!
I am sorry that I have been away. I went to Amsterdam on January 30th and then when I got back I was KO'd by a chest cold. (I am still suffering) So I haven't been to the gym.
It was seriously irritating and aggravating as I was doing so well. I was building up good momentum and in the "zone".
The trip to Amsterdam taught me a lot about my eating habits. Because I was eating at certain times a day, if I missed a meal, I got proper narky. Like, really narky. I had the shakes, I felt light headed and I became a total bitch. So lesson learned. You need to eat!!!
I did eat some naughty things but I made up for it by walking everywhere. My pedometer said that that on the Saturday I walked a massive 17,563 steps!!! My legs felt it!! So when I got back I weighed myself and I only gained 1 pound. Considering that I ate some foods that I shouldn't have, I didn't get good sleep I consider that a good result.
When I got home, I didn't feel too good. I put it down to not eating well. I then found that I came down with a bitch of a chest cold. I mean, it's bad. Really bad.
It started out with a horrible cough. This cough hurt my throat to the point of tears. It felt like someone was ripping my throat with a rake. I would get coughing fits that would leave me without a voice and loads of tears. Pretty grim.
I basically spent last week just resting as best as I could. My appetite is non existent and my energy levels....depleted. I just literally felt like I had all the energy sucked out of me. My eating has been sporadic.
On the plus side, I lost the pound that I gained from Amsterdam but not in a good way.
So tonight I had a training session with Kathryn. It was hard but I pushed my body through it. I need to get back into the groove and back on course.
I get angry as I feel like I go 2 steps forward and 12 steps back. So this week I am doing everything I can to get back to normalcy. After all I have a gorgeous jumpsuit to get into for Saturday! So onwards and upwards! Let's get back to normal and back to losing the weight correctly, safely and healthily!!!
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