On A Small Triumph

Breakfast:  2 hard boiled eggs, ham, and cottage cheese

Lunch:  a Seared chicken salad with thai dressing

Dinner: Beef steaks with Salad

Exercise:

20 minutes on the cross trainer

20 minutes on the stationary bike

I forgot my knee brace...fail!!!


Thoughts:

Since I have been doing this, I sometimes get bogged down and I feel I can't see tangible results.  That was until this past Friday.

I ordered a "motivation dress" from a boutique website that has boutique sizes.  (smaller sizes)  It's a gorgeous strapless peplum body-con (Peplum is so flattering for us ladies that have issues with a more round tummy, like me!) I ordered the size 16, the largest size that they have thinking that I will be in it by the end of May.

I was working from home on Friday and I decided to try it on to see how far I need to go to get in it.  I put the dress on and......it fits.  I mean it actually fits perfectly.  In fact, the chest is a bit loose!!!
My butt looks absolutely amazing from sideways on too.  Amazing.  I could theoretically put this dress on and go out for a night out in it, sans sucking in knickers.

And speaking of sucking in knickers....mine have stopped sucking in because they are too big!

Yes, little triumphs are occurring.  I am noticing in my jeans that around my butt and thighs, they are getting baggy, especially my skinny jeans.  The only thing is that my waist is still big.

And when I put on a maxi skirt that is on my motivation wish list, my butt looked unreal.  I mean, it looks perky, toned and fabulous, but look at the front, saggy, big tummy, and I snapped straight back to reality.

I spoke to Kathryn about it and she said it will come down.  My tummy does give me the blues.  The worst part is what I like to call the "Tummy Pooch".  This is the part of the tummy that runs from hip bone to hip bone, right above the groin.  Mine bulges out and it is so off putting.  The amount of times I have cried and wanted to seriously get a knife and chop it off....God.  I hate it.  It's covered in stretch marks (the only part of my tummy that is) and I have a really bad tattoo on it.  I bet that if it was cut off I would lose 2 dress sizes.  It really, really gets me down.

But I need to keep going.  I am onto a winner now.  I am focused and making the small changes that I need to make to complete my mission.

So tomorrow will be a fab day! Onwards and upwards!!!

My Body Is Changing!!!!

Breakfast:  2 Hard boiled eggs with chicken slices

Snack:  Cucumber, carrots and houmous

Lunch:  Chilli

Dinner:  Grilled Turkey salad with balsamic vinegar and olive oil and cracked black pepper

Exercise:  A killer session with Kathryn

Thoughts:

I find that when I am in an exercise program I get bogged down in my own world, I don't notice that my body is actually changing.

Each time Kathryn takes my measurements, she also snaps a photograph.  She's taking my measurements every 2 weeks.

On Easter Sunday (which was the worst day to take my measurements as I had a few glasses of wine and not very good food the days leading up to it) she took my meaurements and they are going down.  She then sent the photos comparing the last 2 measurements and you know what?  My body is changing!

First, my butt is becoming rounder and it is sticking out more (I am happy with that!  I am proud of my curvy butt!), looking at me from the front, my curves are becoming more defined.  You can see my waist better.  From sideways on, my tummy looks flatter.  My skin looks amazing (thank you avocados and water!) and when I am doing my exercises (mostly clean and press and dead lifts) I am seeing a change.

It started with my dead lifts.  I got into position (bent over, legs hip width apart and squatting) and I noticed my back.  I asked Kathryn, is that back fat?  She said, no, it's muscle.

I also noticed my triceps are popping through, my shoulders are getting definition and Kathryn said my back is getting a good shape.

I am seeing it in my extremities.  My arms look better, my calf muscles look fab (as always but that is down to excessive heel wearing), the fat on my thighs are starting to go.  Cellulite is slowly disappearing.  And my butt is now becoming a booty!

The place that I really want to see the difference, though, is my tummy.  I haven't noticed a difference but seeing the photos, yes, it is going in but it is taking its time.  I guess that I am impatient!  I am confident that my tummy and "fat shelf" as I call it (that bit of fat that is across your hips and it sags a bit) will go but it will take time.  It didn't go on over night and it won't leave over night.

I just need to keep on pushing, keep on working hard, make sure that I am eating clean and keep up my positive attitude.  I will have hard days where I want to eat anything and everything and I will have days where I want to open a bottle of wine and glug it down.  I just need to remember, I am doing well.  The weight is coming off and I will be in my motivation 2 piece in no time!

Tomorrow is a big test though.  I am working from home tomorrow and work from home days are hard for me.  I have succumbed to the temptation to not go to teh gym and to gorge on bread in the past.  Tomorrow needs to be different.

Onwards and Upwards!!

On Food Substitutions

Breakfast:  Lemon, lime, ginger, cucumber, cayenne pepper, and water  (I'm going to call this my morning juice from now on!)

Lunch:  3 bean salad, feta, spring onion, red pepper, olives, cucumber, white wine vinegar and black pepper

Snack:  Cottage cheese

Dinner:  Chilli with rice

Exercise:  rest

Thoughts:

Now that I am on the road to success with my eating and exercise, I now am exploring substitutions for fattening old foods.

I used to make a nice healthy salad and then dump a load of mayonnaise on it turning my salad into a fattening meal.  Not very good if you are trying to lose weight!  So I have been coming up with different ideas and researching different nutritious foods that I can put into my day to day eating.

For example, my salad last night.  I put olive oil and balsamic vinegar with some cracked black pepper on it.  The olive oil has more calories but it is far more nutritious than a low fat salad dressing, which you will find, has a lot of sugar in it.  Olive oil also has omega 3 fatty acids which are good for your body.  Sometimes it's not about quantity (the amount of calories in the food) it's the quality.

I always have rice with my chilli.  I have read up about quinoa and I found that quinoa has more calories than rice, but it also has more protein.  It seems to be a good substitute for starchy things like pasta, couscous and things like that.  I once bought quinoa and tried to prepare it and it ended up not working out too well as in it was a sloppy, watery mess so I haven't gone back.  But looking at the health benefits and such, I want to try it again and see if I can get it right and use it in a few different recipes.

I am feeling a lot better about everything, I know I am on route to make April my best! Onwards and upwards!!!! 

Glitch in the Running

Breakfast:  Strawberry, banana, cucumber, lemon, ginger, mint and lime

Lunch:  3 bean salad with cucumber, red pepper, spring onion, olives, feta, coriander with white wine vinegar, black pepper and salt

Dinner:  Turkey breast (grilled), salad, feta with white wine vinegar and olive oil

Exercise:  60 minutes on the stepper/cross trainer

Playlist:

Thoughts:

I have a confession to make.  I do enjoy bank holidays.  Being off for a few days from the hustle and bustle of work is fab but I am a creature of habit.  So my workouts and eating go completely tits up.

Over this bank holiday weekend, I drank alcohol (I'm back on my no drinking) and my eating wasn't the best.

So I am back on it.

There is a slight problem, though.  Just as I got into my running, my left knee has decided that it doesn't like this at all.  So I have a massive pain in my left knee.  This (miraculously) disappeared on Easter Sunday (my Religious Italian Mama insists this was a miracle) so I went to the gym on Monday and decided to try and run wearing a leg brace while wearing some cheap insoles.  Bad idea.

I spoke to Kathryn about it and she thinks, judging by my symptoms, it can be 1 of 3 things.

1.  As my workouts were mostly weights based, my "cardio" muscles are out of practice.  (Plus I haven't run for ages)

2.  I am slightly out of line.  Kathryn noticed that when I was doing a push up, I tended to favor my left hand side.  She thinks that because this side is constantly overcompensating, it is more injury prone.

3.  I am not 18 anymore.  I don't weigh 125 pounds anymore.  I am well over weight and the fact that all this weight is slamming down on my knee, that's going to cause pain.

I am not going to let this set back get me down.  So I have done some research and it is the elliptical/stair stepper for me!!  Less impact on my knees as my feet are not leaving the pedals.  I can burn roughly the same amount of calories and hopefully as the weight comes off I can get back onto the running.

Plus I found different exercises that I can do on the cross trainer that are great for fat loss.  So I am going to incorporate them into my workout.

Tonight I did 60 minutes on the cross trainer doing a hill program.  I pushed myself and sweated hard. And I burned an impressive 679 calories. Boosh!!!!

So I have found a fab cardio workout I can do. Tomorrow lets do it again! Onwards and upwards!!!!

On Exercise, the Mood Enhancer

Breakfast:  Lemon, Cucumber, Flaxseed, Cayenne Pepper, ginger, mint and water  (Nasty....tastes nasty!!)

Lunch:  3 Bean salad, spring onion, red pepper, olives and feta

Dinner:  Pepper Grill Steaks and salad with feta and olives

Exercise:

Another 5k and 5 minutes on the stationary bike for a cool down

Playlist:




Thoughts:

I woke up this morning in a shitty ass mood.  The boyfriend snored so much and so hard that even with ear plugs, I could hear it.  He is so lucky that I don't smother him in his sleep.  So this morning he assured me that a bed will be purchased for the spare room this weekend.  And when that happens, I will be sleeping in the spare room.  I have had enough.

This put me into a shitty ass crappy mood.  I kept my head down all day and just kept busy.  Today I also stopped smoking.  (Yes, I smoke sometimes in line with the stress level in my life)  So I am keeping as calm as I possibly can and I didn't cry!  That's a result!

After yesterday's success with my 5k I decided to try another.  This time, no butt cheeks seized up.  My left calf still felt a bit tight and my left knee ached but I ran through the pain.  It felt more difficult but I pushed through it.  Cardio is important as it is making a calorie deficit.

I also purchased the outfit that I have on my "Vision Board".  The largest size that it comes in is a Large which is a size 12.  There is no size guide unfortunately but I think that if this is boutique sizes (which I think that it is) it will be a small size 12.  It's a twin set.  A floral crop top with maxi skirt.  It's the perfect summer outfit and I am determined to get into it by end of July/August.  I am also determined to make April the month to kick start my body transformation.  The last piece of the puzzle is fit in and I am now confident that I will be in that outfit by the end of July.

Plus looking at the old Facebook account, my trainer Kathryn featured one of her clients that is doing well with her weight loss.  As I pushed through my 5k, I imagined how I would feel if she feautred me.

When I started with her, she took a photo of me in a baggy T-Shirt that wasn't so baggy on me.  It was a man's extra large.  I imagined seeing my before photo with an after photo that had me in a sports bra and shorts sporting a fantastic set of abs.  That pushed me through the bad times (Along with my best friend's support)

I have started on a journey now and I am going to make April my best and most successful month yet!

Onwards and upwards!!!!

A 5K Run

Breakfast:  Lemon, Flaxseed, Strawberries, cucumber, cayenne pepper, ginger and water (Yes it was as pleasant as it sounded!!)

Snack:  Houmous, carrots and cucumbers

Lunch:  3 bean salad, feta, red pepper, cucumber, spring onion and olives

Snack:  Cottage Cheese

Dinner:  Turkey and steamed veggies

Exercise:  5k run and a 20 minute stationary bike cool down

Playlist:

The Butthole Surfers --> Pepper

Moby -->  Porcelain

Jessie Ware --> Tough Love

Temper Trap --> Need Your Love

Dizzie Rascal feat. Robbie Williams -->  Goin Crazy

Garbage --> Special 

Vaccines do u wanna

Everything Everything --> Duet

New Order --> Blue Monday 

The Stone Roses --> She Bangs the Drums

The Killers --> Read My Mind

Calvin Harris --> Ready for the Weekend (Trust me, I am!!!)

Arcade Fire ---> Reflector 

Snow Patrol --> Take Back the City

Faul & Wad Ad Pnau --> Change

Sia --> Elastic Heart

Thoughts:

Yesterday was a hell of a day!  I don't know why, I think it was the time change?  I just felt drained, tired and unmotivated after my personal training session (Which wasn't very good).  My legs felt like lead.

So I got some sleep and I finally dragged myself out of bed.  Gym after work on a Monday is a must.  I love my bed.

So I decided today to go back to something that I enjoyed doing when I was younger and fitter.   Running.  When I was younger I used to religiously run a 5k every morning.  So I decided that I was going to try that again.

The last time I ran a 5k was this time last year.  I wasn't too fit and i huffed and puffed my way through it.

So how did I get on? I got through it and I huffed and puffed but managed 40 minutes. Now I used to run these under 30 minutes. But when the clock hit 5.00 I almost cried. Here I am at the biggest I have ever been and I ran a 5k. A few times I jumped to the sides of the treadmill for a quick breath but I dragged myself through it! I feel amazing. Plus my best friend Sunny encouraged me on the way and Kathryn was there training someone a few treadmills down. I couldn't let both of them down. At the 2.5k mark I thought I was going to die!!!! My left butt cheek seized!!!! So there I was hobbling trying not to draw attention to the fact that my left butt cheek seized.  But I pulled through that pain. 

I am going to try and run a 5k on my cardio days, I think. I want to get it under 30 minutes again. It's a small side line goal I can work to. I know I can do this so I just need to keep building on it.

So onwards and upwards, y'all!!!!

On Celebration

Weight:  15 stone exactly (1 pound lost)

Measurements:  

Right arm:  12 inches

Left Arm:  12 inches

Chest: 40.5 inches (1/2 an inch lost)

Waist:  36.5 inches (1/2 an inch lost)

Hips:  46.5 inches (1/2 an inch lost)

Left thigh:  22 inches (stayed the same)

Right thigh:  21.5 inches (stayed the same)

Breakfast:  Starbucks large soy vanilla latte with a salted caramel Cooke (worth the calories!)

Lunch: we went to Giraffe and I had a chicken no bun burger with a superfood salad with oil and vinegar

Dinner:  meatball pasta bake 

Dessert:  Chovolate chip cookie dough ice cream

Drink:  Boyfriend and I share a bottle of bubbly

Thoughts:

Today is my boyfriend and my one year anniversary. We had a fab day walking around the Trafford center. I walked well over 10,000 steps today. We went to the aquarium and played adventure golf. It was a great day! 

Tonight we opened a bottle of bubbly to celebrate. Yes, 28 days without a drink. Today is a celebration. I'm back to tea total tomorrow and I, cool with that, alcohol is only for special occasions and the fact that I found a fabulous man that I have kept for a year that I didn't need to permanently have restrained or kidnapped is definitely something to celebrate.

I also took a leaf out of my best friends book and bought a filtered water bottle to help me with my water drinking.

Tomorrow I'm back to the gym with Kathryn. I'm looking forward to it.

So onwards and upwards!!!

On Letting Go

Breakfast:  Lemon, Lime, cucumber, honey (makes it easier to drink), ginger, cayenne pepper (I have read that this helps with metabolism) flaxseed and water

Snack:  Cottage Cheese

Lunch:  Cannelini Beans, feta, avocado, olives, spring onion, white wine vinegar, salt and pepper

Dinner:  Turkey, bacon and salad with feta and olives

Exercise:  
30 minutes on the Stepper/Cross Trainer thing
15 minutes on the bike sprinting

Playlist:

Kasabian --> Cutt Off

Churches -->  Lies

Black Keys --> Howling for You

The Killers -->  Read My Mind 

Kasabian -->  Fire

Royal Blood -->  Figure It Out

Stone Roses --> She Bangs the Drums

Garbage -->  Special 

Kaiser Chiefs --> My Life

M83 --> Reunion

Garbage --> I'm Only Happy When It Rains

DB Boulevard -->  Point of View

Calvin Harris feat Haim --> Pray to God

Thoughts

Today I had to literally drag my ass to the gym and workout.  I woke up at 5:11 and thought should I roll over and go back to sleep.  The boyfriend snored and I thought I won't sleep.

As i was driving there I was cursing it.  I really didn't want to go.   I got to the gym, reluctantly got onto the treadmill.  I wasn't feeling it.  I then thought that I need something else.  

So I went on the stair stepper/cross trainer thing and hit 30 minutes for my goal and started to go for it.  I was reading through my Facebook and I saw a comment left on this guy that I know's wall that was nasty and it was directed at me.   Something happened a year ago and me and the person that left the nasty comment directed at me and I parted on bad terms.  

That was a year ago.  Why can't people let things go?

It hit me.  I was holding onto it too.  The guy that I knew was bad news for me too.  So I took a deep breath unfriended and blocked him.  And after I did that, I instantly felt like a massive weight was taken off my back.

I think a lot of times we don't realize that personal situations in our life really do effect our subconscious.  We hold on to the past, old friends, old thoughts and wonder why we stumble and why we don't' achieve our goals.  

Since I have been doing this blog, I have had the excitement, I go for it, then all of a sudden I start sabotaging myself.  It's like I am preventing myself from getting the one thing that I want....abs!!!!

Everything happened so quickly to me.  I gained a boyfriend, a new job, a new home in a new city in the space of 6 weeks.  When I started my training with Dan, my head was up my ass.  I didn't take the time to adjust or come to terms with what happened to me.  I was holding onto old friends, old situations and old feelings.  Of course I failed.  

It's almost a year on from when I made those changes.  I am in a better place in my life, I feel.  I feel positive in general and this week I feel that I have cleared some mental and physical hurdles.  

I accredit this Kathryn and my best friend, Sunny.  Both of them have been my rock.  Kathryn is always on the end of the phone if I need her.  She always gives me positive pep talks and when I am down, she pushes me and helps me get through it.

And Sunny....God, I cannot even begin to describe this.  She knows the insecurities and feelings I get.  I can message her in the morning when I am at the gym.  When I am flagging she picks me up and cheers me on.  Many a time when I am struggling or faltering through my intervals, she has pushed me on.  When I have had carb cravings (bread cravings are now gone!!!  Whoop whoop!!) she has told me to cut the crap and keep eating good clean food.

Losing weight is not only about losing numbers on the scale, it's about losing old thoughts, old habits and old feelings.  And I think that I have shed the old and bad feelings and habits.

I know that I am going to have good days and bad days.  I know that some days I am going to write on here that I feel fat and ugly and why am I doing this to myself.  But on days like that, I will know that I am not alone in this.  That I have good people around me and the only thing stopping me is me.

So today was great and I know tomorrow will be better.

Onwards and upwards!!!

On Kathryn's Challenge

Breakfast:  Lemon, lime, orange, flaxseed, ginger and cucumber juice

Snack:  Carrots, cucumber and houmous

Lunch:  Cannelini beans, olives, spring onion and feta (made from goat and sheep milk)

Dinner:  Homemade chilli on sweet potato

Exercise:

An absolutely brilliant session with Kathryn

Thoughts:

Today I had a brilliant day in regards to food and exercise.

My training session with Kathryn was absolutely amazing and it brought about a little mini challenge.

This all came about when I was doing my squats.  Kathryn said to me let’s make April a really good month.

I did my first squat rep and said of course it will be a fab month!  I am pleased with the training plan and the diet. 

She said why don’t you make a goal for the end of April/beginning of May?  Is there an outfit that you want to get into?

There are thousands of outfits that I want to get into.  That’s the problem.   The outfits I want to get into are smaller than I could accomplish in a month and are more like get into these by July/August.

I looked at her and said I don’t want to commit myself.  I have made sweeping declarations before.  The one that hurt was that I wanted to get into my red vintage winter coat by my birthday last year.  That failed majorly. 

But looking back, last year, I was still a bit unsettled.  I gained a boyfriend, just moved from a fabulous city to a town with crap shops (There is no Selfridges or Harvey Nichols in St Helens, I will have you know!), I got a new job, and I had to settle and figure out where I am in this world.  I feel that I am now only really feeling settled and comfortable with my personal life.

I was thinking this over as I tore through my squats feeling the burn in my thighs and butt. 

I then thought about the white trousers.

The fabulously gorgeous Elizabeth Hurley is always snapped wearing her white trousers.  They are white denim with a slight flare.  They are classy and very versatile.

I too own such a pair of trousers.  These trousers are cotton with a kick flare that go with everything, and I mean everything!  They, for me are a summer staple.  I wore them back in 2008 and 2010 (2009 was a fat year).

They are a size down from what I wear now.  I few weeks ago I wanted to see how big I was so I tried them on.  They went easily past my thighs but when it came to my hips, it was an effort to squeeze over them.  I then hoicked them up to my waist.  My tummy was in the way of them even coming together to zip them up.  

As I started to do my dead lift this morning, I looked at my trainer and asked, when is your competition?  (Kathryn entered a body form competition so she too is dieting and working out extra hard.)

She said the 3^rd of May.

I asked her, do you think that is feasible to lose a dress size from now until 3^rd of May?

She said, yeah, if you stick to the routine, continue to eat clean and put in the effort that you are doing now, I don’t see why not.

I told her about the white trousers and said, how about this.  By your competition on May 3^rd, I will be in my white trousers.

She smiled and said, agreed.  By Sunday May 3^rd, I need to lose enough weight to fit into the white trousers.  The rules are, the trousers must be in a wearable state so no muffin top, no camel toe, no tummy over the waistband and I need to photograph myself wearing these trousers and send it to Kathryn.

So there you go.  Operation White Trousers.  So it's clean eating, exercising daily and the prize will be mine,  If I slip up then the prize gets further away.  

I think that the key is to tale it day by day.  Just focus on eating clean and exercising today and don't think about tomorrow.  

I feel excited and focused now.  So here is to me getting myself in my white trousers!

Onwards and upwards!!!!

On Trying a New Workout Machine

Breakfast:  Lemon, flaxseeds, ginger, cucumber and water (Gross!!!!  But so good for my tummy!)

Snack:  Cottage cheese

Lunch:  Chicken Cashew with broccoli and asparagus

Dinner:  Peppered beef steaks and salad

Exercise:

The Fabulous Triathalon 

Playlist:

Kaiser Chiefs --> My Life

Jungle --> Busy Earning

Stone Roses -->. She Bangs the Drums

Ferry Corsten --> Rock Your Body Rock

Nero --> Promises

The Black Keys --> Howlin' for You

The Hearts --> Lips

Kasabian --> Empire

Garbage --> Special

Kasabian --> Fast Fuse

Felix da Housecat --> Silver Screen (Shower Scene) 

The Prodigy --> Omen

Thoughts:

Today I decided to shake things up. It's cardio day and the thought of doing treadmill intervals made me dread going to the gym so I decided that I was going to make cardio fun.

Armed with a rocking playlist, I decided to do the Fabulous Triathalon! This started out by mistake. When I got to the gym today, it was busy. I wanted to get on the stair machine but there was a perfectly toned girl with fabulous abs on that machine. So I opted for one of the stepper/cross trainer hybrid machines. I decided to do long strides like I was skiing. Then the thought popped into my head after about 3 kilometres....why don't I make this a Triathalon? 

So I got off the stepper/cross trainer and rushed to the bike and did a 5 kilometre sprint. After I completed that, I got on the treadmill and did a 1.5 kilometre run!!! 

I was dying after that run. But I felt really pleased with that session. It took me about 50 minutes to complete this but I enjoyed it more than doing straight intervals. I am definitely going to use this in my future workouts.

Food today was simple. I am doing well with my food. I just feel more focused. I feel pumped up and on pat day I am going to purchase a motivation out fit from a website I saw. I want to get into this outfit by July. I know I will do it. And once I do, I will post pics!

Tomorrow is a session with Kathryn so I am excited! As I always say, onwards and upwards!!!

A New And Fabulous Eating and Workout Plan

Breakfast:  Grape, Flaxseed, lemon, cucumber, ginger and water (Yuck!!!!  It's good for my tummy, that's what I keep telling myself!)

Snack:  Reduced Fat Houmous with carrots and cucumber

Lunch:  Chicken with cashews, broccoli and asparagus

Snack:  Low fat cottage cheese

Dinner:  Grilled Turkey steak with steamed vegetables

Water:  3 liters....This is painful!!!

Exercise:  30 minutes high interval training on the treadmill:
   Incline at 0.5%
   Walk:  4.5kph
   Jog:  7.5kph
  Sprint:  10.5kph
  Recumbent Bike: 20 minutes

Thoughts:

It's day 1 of Kathryn's eating and exercise plan.  So far so good.  I like having a structured 1500 calories a day.  This week, it's going to be a bit skewy.  Kathryn is going away for a long weekend so my session with her is on Wednesday instead of Thursday.  So we decided on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday, I will do high intensive cardio,  I am doing the cardio to create a calorie deficit.  The high intensity intervals are good for my body and will help with my stamina.

Kathryn is also going to be measuring me weekly as an incentive for me to keep on this.  I know in the past I have given things a half assed effort and received half assed results.  So I am so determined to make the next 6 weeks very productive.

I am now 23 days without a drink (I did have a slip up last Sunday and had 1 glass of rosé but I didn't enjoy it...honestly!!  It tasted like vinegar.) and I am feeling better for it.  My skin looks amazing.  My eyes are brighter and nothing beats waking up the next morning with a clear head and not apologizing for doing something stupid.  Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy a drink but it's got me thinking.  I really used to drink....a lot.  And I mean a lot!!!  Before I started, I was throwing back a half a bottle to a full bottle of red wine a night.  I feel like I have turned a corner with it.  There are a lot of calories with wine and alcohol in general. I am planning to go the rest of March with out a drink.  In April I have a few social gatherings.  I am going to try to limit my drinking because my alcohol tolerance is probably gone!  April 3rd, we have a work's party, then the next day, my Irish friend (who drinks cider like it is water) and I are having a few bevies so I need to plan ahead.  I think that I will see if they have sparkling water or orange juice and stick to that. 

I also learned today that it isn't a good idea to drink 3 liters of water and then do high intervals on the treadmill. My tummy felt bloated and sore but when I got home...let's just say that my constipation is a thing of the past....

Tomorrow it's more cardio but I am ok with that. I will do my cardio tomorrow in the morning as I think I run better in the morning. Plus I won't have 3 liters of water in my tummy sloshing around!!!

I am feeling positive and good now, even though my boyfriend is eating chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream right next to me...it's ok, I don't want it plus it looks like he had a bad day.

So tomorrow will be a great day. Onwards and upwards!!! 

On The Healthy Homemade Doner Kebab

This Measurements:

Weight:  15 stone 1 (4 pounds up from my last official weigh in....eeeekkk!)

Chest 41 inches (Half an Inch up)

Waist: 37 inches (Half an Inch up)

Hips 47 (An Inch up)

Right and Left Thighs: 21.5 inches (Half an Inch Down.....fab!)

Right and left Arm:  12 inches (stayed the same)

Exercise:

An hour of Hot Yoga...It was more difficult than the last time.

Thoughts:

Well today is my first healthy treat from around the world.  Turkish!  I decided to start easy and do a Lamb Doner Kebab, like you get in the chip shop.

The instructions say to bake it in a loaf pan.  I don't have a loaf pan!!!  So I made a loaf shape....doesn't it look fab? 

My boyfriend, who normally shies away from this type of thing decided to play a game called "I Am the Head Chef".  This entails him interrupting the cooking, telling me I'm doing it wrong making a mess then walking off leaving me with the clean up of said mess. This time he told me that I was going to use the wrong pan. Whenever I politely tell him to get out of the kitchen and leave me to it, he gets offended and stomps off like a 2 year old. I let him cool off, walk over, tell him that he is special and that usually sorts it.

I then let my loaf cook for 50 minutes, checking often to ,she that this doner isn't Cajun style.  It looked like 50 minutes wouldn't be enough. So left it for a further 10 minutes. 

When it was done, I tried to slice it with a potato peeler to get the same sort of chip shop kebab style of meat but it crumbled. So finely slicing was how we got around it. 

I served it with lettuce, cucumber, onion, garlic mayo and chilli sauce.

I asked the boyfriend to score it so here are the scores:

Presentation:  7/10

Taste:  5/10

So a respectable 12/20 for my first ever time doing this. I am pleased with those marks!

 

It was a fun experience and I can't wait until next week's challenge! 

A Big Change in my Diet and Exercise

Pre-Breakfast:  Flaxseeds, cucumber, ginger, lemon and water

Breakfast:  Strawberry, blueberry, ginger, mango, flaxseeds, lemon and lime Smoothie

Snack:  Avocado, banana, flaxseeds, ginger, cucumber, lemon and lime Smoothie

Lunch:  Chicken stirfry

Dinner:  Chicken, bacon and avocado salad

Exercise:  A kick ass session with Kathryn

Thoughts

I have been working out with Kathryn properly now for about 7 weeks (I was off most of February so I am not counting that).  My strength has increased, my body is changing.  Kathryn now wants to change my diet plan.

So she set me this:

1500 calories to be consumed a day.  Swap bacon for turkey bacon (that feels so wrong!!!), beef mince for turkey mince, cut down on my fruit, especially bananas.

So I am now planning my meals next week.  I am going to start preparing my meals ahead of time so I can guarantee success.

She is also changing my exercise:

Monday:  Cardio

Tuesday:  A cardio circuit (I can do my normal but I need to add more cardio into it)

Wednesday:  Cardio

Thursday:  Weight session with Kathryn

Friday:  Cardio

Saturday:  Yoga

Sunday:  Weights with Kathryn

In our sessions now, she is putting cardio in between sets.  So I'll do squats and then it's on the treadmill for a 200m sprint.

I am excited to try this!  She thinks that this will change my body so it's going to be clean eating for the next month.

I am looking at healthy recipes to try.  I want to try things besides salads so I am searching for recipes that are healthy and different than salads.  So I found some recipes that look different and good.  I will give you the recipes on each day with the nutritional information.

I am excited. New challenges will bring new opportunities. Onwards and upwards!!! 

On Sore Legs and a Bad Workout

Pre-Breakfast:  Ginger, mint leaves, flaxseeds, cucumber, lemon and water

Breakfast:  Strawberry, blueberry, grapes, and lemon smoothie

Lunch:  Asda - Chosen by You - Soy, Honey, Ginger and Chicken Noodles, 410 g

Snack:  Avocado, banana, orange, lemon, lime and cucumber smoothie

Dinner:  Peppered beef steaks with a side salad

3 liters of water (God help me....that is difficult to drink!!)

Exercise:

Kathryn's Circuit
Lat Pull Down 40kgs x 15 reps
                       35kgs x 15 reps
                       30kgs x 15 reps
Seated Row:  35kgs x 15 reps
                       27.5kgs x 15 reps
                       20kgs x 15 reps

Walk on an Incline for 20 minutes

Playlist:
Pendulum - Slam
Republica - Drop Dead Gorgeous
Felix da Housecat - Silverscreen (Shower Scene) (This is a kick ass amazing song with a fab beat!  When you are doing squats, dead lifts, or lunges it has a great beat so it is easy to lift to)
Kasabian - Empire
Royal Blood - Figure It Out
Black Keys - Lonely Boy
The Prodigy - Slap My Bitch Up
Puddle of Mudd - Blurry
Imagine Dragons - Radioactive
The Gossip - Heavy Cross

Thoughts
Today I dragged myself out of my bed and me and my aching legs went to the gym.  It wasn't my best workout, to be honest.  My thighs were burning after the session with Kathryn but the main thing is that I went to the gym.  

Instead of just doing her circuit, I decided throw in some back work so I did some lat pull downs and seated row because I want to get my back looking leaner.  (I have some major back boobs going on!!) 

Then I attempted to do my high intensity intervals.  My legs just point blank said no.  They feel heavy and tired so I cranked the incline up and I walked at a quick pace on a 5% incline for 20 minutes.  

I wish that my legs weren't so sore because those intervals are what shred the fat.  So tonight I am going take a hot bath and massage my thighs.  They are beyond sore.  But I am feeling it in my inner thigh.  That's good!!!  I want to get the jiggly bit in my inner thigh sorted! 

The last few weeks I have been feeling a lot better about my workout and diet.  I hit a rough patch with the bronchitis in February.  Yes I am upset about that set back but I can't change it.  I can change, though, my diet and my exercise pattern (which I am doing) today. Plus with my healthy foods from around the world on Saturday, I am looking forward to hit some great milestones and to lose this weight.  

Onwards and upwards!

On a Manic Weekend and Back to Normal

Pre-Breakfast:  Cucumber, Lemon, Ginger, Water and Flaxseed

Breakfast:  Strawberry, blueberry, grape smoothie

Lunch:  Tuna with Extra Helmann's Mayo and Sweet Potato

Snack:  Banana, avocado, lemon, lime, cucumber and orange smoothie

Dinner:  Mexican ground beef and steamed vegetables

Exercise:  A grueling session with the lovely Kathryn

Thoughts:

This past weekend I liked but also hated.  I was a hair model in a hairdressing competition.  The whole weekend was disrupted and my routine went out the window which I hated!!!!  But luckily next weekend I am back to normal.  I didn't have a chance to go to my yoga and on Sunday my eating was non existent so by the end of yesterday I was tired, cranky and very hungry.  Plus with my job, I like to have the weekends so I can just rest and recharge my batteries.  So for the foreseeable I have a lovely nice relaxing stretch ahead of me.

I am indeed a creature of habit.  I love to have a set routine and when things mess that routine up I get angry and I lose my way.  So I am doing everything I can to keep my routine in tact. 

Kathryn's session was the hardest and most demanding that I have ever done with her. She shook things up which I'd fab. But I completed it. I need a massage now!!

Well I also decided to do a feature in my blog every Saturday. Saturday, as you know, is when I have my treat meal. I have decided to make this fun. So each Saturday, I am going to do a healthy meal from a different country. The first one? Turkey. (Not the bird, the country, sillies!!!) I will post pictures, the recipe and the nutrient info. This is a big deal for me as my cooking skills are quite basic. But it's a good and healthy challenge and it prevents me from eating crap! 

So there you go!!! Tomorrow is the Kathryn circuit and high intense intervals. Let's do this!!!!

On The Wonders of Ginger

Breakfast:  A Blueberry, pear, apple, grape, kiwi fruit and ginger smoothie (It was fab!)

Lunch:  Tuna mayonnaise with Sweet Potato

Snack:  Avocado, banana, orange, lemon, lime and cucumber smoothie

Dinner:  Hot turkey and bacon salad

Exercise:  An intense session with Kathryn

Thoughts:

One thing I noticed since I started putting ginger in my diet, I my tummy has started to go into a normal pattern.  I am having regular bowel movements now.  (I know, too much information!)  I started reading up and ginger is great for the bowel function!  I put a little pit in and you don't really taste it.  My smoothie has a bit of a kick but it still tastes amazing!

I want to start putting in mint leaves into my smoothie too as they have a calming effect on the stomach.  It's all about trying new things!!!

Tonight for dinner I made my boyfriend a chicken goujon sandwich....nice!  While I enjoyed a hot turkey and bacon salad.  I am getting back into my "zone" of clean eating and feeling good about my body again.

I have also decided to ditch the scales and just go off body measurements so on Saturday, like before, I will give you my measurements!  Normal business has resumed!!!

Wow, my Tummy is Flattening!!

Pre-Breakfast:  cucumber, ginger, lemon, mint leaves and water (this is the most foulest thing that I have ever tasted.  But it works...constipation is slowly going away!!!)

Breakfast:  Strawberry, kiwi, grapes, plum, lemon and lime

Snacks:  Avocado, banana, lemon, lime, orange

Lunch:  Asda - Chosen by You - Soy, Honey, Ginger and Chicken Noodles

Dinner:  Subway Steak salad with Southwest sauce (only 252 calories!!!) with peppermint tea

Exercise:  A hard session with Kathryn

Thoughts:

I have been drinking the cucumber, ginger, lemon concoction.  It is foul!!!!  It is by far the grossest thing that I have ever had in my life.  But it has helped.  My tummy is feeling and looking flatter.

My weight went up and I am still losing the weight from the antibiotics but to be honest I am not too concerned about it.  I feel like I hit a place where I am training and eating well.  No alcohol isn't too big of a deal.  The smoothies are definitely helping me out.  I am getting a concentrated amount of nutrients in my body in a single drink.  They are fun to make too!!

I am angry that February I was ill, I feel like I lost a month but I am slowly getting back into it.  Kathryn has changed my training up too!  So I feel positive and excited about that.

Kathryn reiterated my feelings about weighing myself. She doesn't weigh me, she only measures. So from now on that is what I am doing. I will start posting my measurements every Saturday.

Kathryn also changed my plan. My workouts are now having bursts of cardio in them. We rejigged my workout schedule as she thinks my eating is miles better and it is!!! So here is the schedule:

Monday:  Cardio - 30 minutes interval training on the treadmill and 20 minutes on the stair stepper

Tuesday:  Kathryn's circuit with some cardio thrown in between sets (sprints on the treadmill and such)

Wednesday:  Cardio - we decided that I should come in early, do my intervals and then if there is a spinning class attend it. That's an hour of cardio. If there is no spinning, then 20 minutes on the stair stepper

Thursday:  Personal Training with Kathryn

Friday:  Cardio - we decided that I should come in early, do my intervals and then if there is a spinning class attend it. That's an hour of cardio. If there is no spinning, then 20 minutes on the stair stepper

Saturday:  Hot yoga

Sunday:  Personal Training session.

So Kathryn wants to see how my body reacts to that for the rest of the month. I am excited!!! It's a new challenge and I'm ready!!!

On Random Thoughts About Weight Loss (Sorry if this Post is a bit all over the place)

Pre Breakfast:  Lemon, cucumber, mint and ginger with water

Breakfast:  Strawberry, blueberry, grapes, plums, lemon and lime

snack:  Avocado, banana, lemon, lime, orange cucumber smoothie.

Lunch:  Sweet Potato and tuna with light mayo

Dinner:  Grilled Chicken and steamed mixed veggies

Exercise:  Rest day - my legs are sore!!

Thoughts

Firstly I would like to clarify.  Hot yoga is called hot yoga because you do it in a room that is 100 degrees.  It is also called Bikram yoga.  Sorry that I didn't clarify that!!

Today I tried a new smoothie/juice.  It was recommended for tummy troubles.  It tastes foul but I found myself peeing more and my tummy deflating.  Hey, I'll keep on it.  That is a win.  the ginger is supposed to be good for the digestive system so I figured what do I have to lose?  So this week I am going to try that in the morning and see how my tummy feels.  So far so good.  No cramping or bloating!

I am feeling a lot better.  It has been 9 days since I have had any alcohol.  That's a great thing.  The first 4 days I was missing it like crazy but I am over that and I am enjoying sipping peppermint tea after dinner and I am not feeling bloated.  Plus it's great to wake up without a hangover in the morning.

I have also noticed that since I have been having the juice of a whole lemon every day I haven't had any sniffles, coughs or sore throats.  I think that I am going to continue my juicing/smoothie beyond the weight loss phase.

I think that sometimes when we are embarking on a weight loss journey, we do crazy things (I will only exist on 600 calories a day and have cabbage soup every day!!!) but they are short term and the weight goes back on.

Look, like other people I feel that I have a genuine issue with food.  I know that for the rest of my life, like an alcoholic, I am going to have to be more strict with my food.

Food isn't the enemy.  It is ok to have a piece of cake in moderation.  But food is very much an emotional thing.  When you eat that piece of cake or pizza, yes it tastes amazing!  (As a pizza addict I will happily eat a whole pizza but when the gut rot and IBS flares up, I tell myself it is not worth it!)  It feels amazing but 20 minutes later the guilt sinks in.

What I have learned so far in this weight loss journey, you need to eat to lose weight.  And yes, you need to consume a certain amount of calories a day but what matters is what those calories are from.  If you have to eat 1200 calories a day, if you fill your day with fruits, veggies and proteins you will feel better than if you filled the 1200 calories with things like cookies and crisps.  Yes, it feels good to eat crap while you are eating it but after you eat crap, well in my case, my tummy doesn't feel too good.

Eating healthily doesn't have to be a chore.  Try new things.  On the internet there are millions of healthy recipes.  I tried them!  I made healthy home made burgers that tasted great and homemade chicken tikka masala.  I made mistakes in cooking them but I worked on them and got them to taste better.

It's about getting out of your comfort zone and trying new foods and new exercises.  What do you have to lose?  You might like it and if you don't oh well, try something else!

Losing weight doesn't have to be painful only if you make it painful it will be.

So, find new recipes, sign up for new fitness classes and enjoy!

On Hot Yoga Class

Breakfast:  strawberry, blueberry, raspberry smoothie

Lunch: sun dried tomato couscous

Dinner:  chicken tikka masala with pilau rice 

Dessert: Ben and Jerry's chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream

Exercise:  60 minute hot yoga class

Thoughts:

Well this morning I tried my very first hot yoga class.

It didn't start you well as I couldn't find the studio in Maghull. I ended up rocking up 3-4 minutes late. 

I took my shoes off and left them outside and rushed in with my new yoga mat and a 2 liter bottle of water. 

There were 6 people plus the instructor who was a very slender man in his 40's.When I entered, the room was hot, the lights were off and everyone was laying down on their backs doing deep breathing exercises. I made my excuses and found a spot on the far side of the room.

I laid on my back and joined in the deep breathing exercises. We then started to do several different poses. 

Now I am not the most flexible person I the world. I felt a bit silly but the instructor must have picked up on my thoughts. He said that getting the poses perfect will come in time. Just focus on breathing and allow your body to flow into the poses.

So I did my best. I looked around and no one was a stereotypical dreadlocked hairy skinny looking hippy. The girl next to me was average looking. She wore a really cool asymmetrical crop top with yoga pants. Besides her every one else was like me. Carrying extra weight. I felt comfortable and relaxed.

The poses were difficult. But I did the best I could. The heat didn't affect me too bad. There were some crazy far out poses that I had to do. And there were some that I couldn't do! 

But saying that, I definitely want to keep this up. I think that the will help me with my journey. Not just for the exercise but because it's an hour without screaming, shouting, stress or drama. It's just time for me to take care of myself body and soul. And that to me is the most important thing of all.

Also I have been 7 days without an alcoholic beverage. That is fab!

So tomorrow I have a session with Kathryn and I'm looking forward to the week ahead!

No Spinning? No Problem!!

Breakfast:  Strawberry, blueberry, raspberry, banana, lemon, lime, orange and plum smoothie  (Absolutely lovely!!!)

Lunch:  Tuna with lighter than light mayo and sweet potato

Snack:  Banana, lime, lemon, orange, avocado and cucumber (I know it sounds nasty but it is divine!!)

Dinner:  Chilli with rice

Exercise:  30 minute intervals on the treadmill

Thoughts:

This morning I got up to attend the spinning class at my gym to find that I was the only one that showed up.  What is a girl to do?

I didn't have my music on me but got on the treadmill and decided to do an interval training session.  So I did what was familiar to me.  Walk for a minute.  Jog for a minute.  Sprint for a minute.  I did this for 30 minutes.  (So 10 minutes of walking, 10 minutes of jogging, and 10 minutes of sprinting)

Now this is a big deal for me.  I used to do this after my normal weight lifting workouts but only for 15 minutes at most.

I will not lie to you.  It was hard.  I mean proper hard.  I dragged myself through the sprints after the fourth sprint.  My legs felt like lead.

But I did it.  I pulled my body through this ordeal (that's what I refer to this exercise as) and when it hit 30 minutes, I slammed the stop button on the treadmill and I strutted my ass off the treadmill like a boss!!!

The old me would have gone home or walked for 10 minutes on the treadmill and then given up.  Today I didn't.

My smoothies today didn't cause me gut rot either.  So I know what to stick with.  Berry based smoothies and then avocado based smoothies.  I feel like I have smashed through a barrier.

Tomorrow I have a session with Kathryn and I am feeling confident.  I feel good about how I am eating and plus I am not drinking for the month of March.  I think that I will be ok.

On Making Smart Food Choices

Breakfast:  Avocado, banana, cucumber, orange, lemon and lime smoothie....this was sublime!!! 

Lunch: Mango, kiwi, pineapple, plums, orange, lime and lemon smoothie

Dinner:  Subway chicken and bacon salad

Exercise:  Kathryn's circuit, 20 minute walk on a 7% incline

Thoughts:

Today I had a course so food wise I didn't eat enough calories. 

Then my boyfriend insisted on having a Subway Sandwich. Now Subway is one of my favorite things. My usual? A foot long on Italian herbs and cheese bread with extra cheese, lettuce, onions, jalepenos, gherkin, olives with ranch dressing and Mayo with a cookie, crisps and a bottle of coke. That's almost 2200 calories!!!!

So I did some investigation. I found that Subway does salads! They do any sandwich on their menu but in salad form. So I opted for chicken and bacon with lettuce, cucumber, onion, jalepenos, olives and gherkins and southwest sauce. My dinner? 287 calories! (The southwest sauce is 90 calories) fabulous. It was guilt free, tasty and I felt smug....even though the smell of my boyfriend's sandwiches (he has 2 foot longs) were so tempting. I feel pleased!

Every fast food joint has healthy options. It's always good to do your research. I saved myself a lot of calories and I'm closer to getting into that dress!!!!!

On the Best £30 I Have Spent

Breakfast:  A Veggie Smoothie containing:  Apple, celery, cucumber, carrot, grapes, lemon and lime

Lunch:  Tuna with mayonnaise on Sweet Potato

Snack:  Fruit Smoothie:  Strawberry, blueberries, raspberries, plum, lemon, lime, and grapes

Dinner:  Beef Steaks with steamed mixed veggies

Exercise:  Rest.....my legs are so sore!!!!

Thoughts:

This past weekend I bought a smoothie maker.  It is really cool!!!  It's green (my kitchen is green so it matches....very important!!!), and it is small.  It comes with 2 bottles with caps.  You use the bottle to put your fruit/veggies in and you put the cutting blade on it.  You blitz it and voila!!  A nice fresh smoothie!!!

So I spoke to Kathryn about it and she suggests that I have 2 smoothies a day.  One for breakfast and one as a snack.  She suggests that I have a fruit based one and a veggie based one.

So I was experimenting and I found out the following:  Spinach hurts my stomach.....badly.  So does apples.  I am hurting from putting apples in today's.  Sore tummy!!!!  So I need to replace that defo!

The fruity one was divine!!!  Fabulous!!!  So I know what works and what doesn't.

It's also filling.  I don't feel that hungry through out the day.

I am excited to get up and blend my smoothies!!! That's sad, I know!

My motivation arrived today. My size 12 shirt dress came. I tried it on, I do have a long way to go but that dress is going to be my motivation. I am determined to wear it.

So onwards and upwards!!! 

On Being Back in Great Form

Breakfast:  2 Hard Boiled Eggs

Snack:  Vegetable crudettes (cucumber and red pepper) and 2 pots of low fat houmous from Tesco

Lunch:  Chicken Stirfry

Dinner:  Chilli with Rice

Exercise:  Kathryn's Circuit and 12 minutes of walking on the treadmill at an incline

Thoughts:

Well after the shitty day I had yesterday, today has been an improvement.  I got fuck all sleep (4 hours according to the Fit Bit.  That's down to the boyfriend snoring, moving and kicking me in his sleep)  but I dragged myself to the gym for a workout.

I went straight in and did my clean and press, squats, lunges and such.  I felt strong and great doing that.  I then did a weighted squat shoulder press with a 15 kilo barbell super setted with a tricep dips.....Big mistake!!  My arms tired out after the second set but at least I tried something new.

I then went to try my intervals.  Wow.  That was a big pile of suck.  I sprinted at 11 kilometers an hour for 30 seconds and I felt like I was going to die.  So I decided to walk on an incline.  So I did that for 12 minutes.

It doesn't sound like much but I got back to the gym.  I broke out of my snit and I am back working out in the morning.  Plus I had a great day with my eating.  I am feeling confident again.

It's funny what a good cry can do for you.  Yesterday I felt low.  Really low.  Today I am better.  I still have some bad feelings about my body (especially when there is a gorgeous petite blonde at the gym dead lifting wearing a sports bra showcasing a perfect flat tummy) but I am refocusing, remembering what Kathryn said,  this is my change.  My journey.  Fuck everyone else.  So I am keeping that in mind.

I bought a dress on eBay today that is an Oasis size 12.  This dress is important because 12 years ago I had the same dress but in a size 14 when I was smaller and I loved it.  It's a classic khaki military styled shirt dress.  (military style is going to be back in style this year)  I loved that dress and was gutted when I got so fat that I couldn't wear it anymore.  So I found it again in a size smaller and I am determined to get into that dress by August/September.  The measurements are Bust:  36 inches, Waist 29 inches and hips 38 inches.  That means that I have to lose 4.5 inches from my chest, 7 inches from my waist and 8 inches from my hips.

That looks like a lot, but I am breaking it down each week.  Each week I get closer.  I have a tangible goal and a few little goals a long the way.

So feel like I am mentally back on track.  I have a lot to do in the next few weeks to get my fitness back but I am not letting Bronchitis or anything else get me down.  This is my journey.  My life and I am more determined than ever to make the best of it!!!!

On Throwing a Bad Body Pity Party

Breakfast:  Strawberry and Grapes

Lunch:  Grilled Chicken with olives, red pepper, cucumber, spinach with a teriyaki dressing

Dinner:  chicken Kiev with steamed veggies

Exercise:  Kathryn besasted my legs yesterday so rest

Thoughts:

This past weekend was a shit nasty craptastcular weekend.  I mean if there was a crapometer, I think that it would have gone off the scale.

After the effects of the antibiotics, Mother Nature decided to drop a bomb...I mean gift on me.  Yes, the arrival of a period.  I don't get these often but when I do I bleed heavily, I become tired, cranky, moody and I bloat out to the size of a whale.  I was feeling fat and ugly.

On Sunday everything came to a head.  I went to my Personal Training session with Kathryn.  I felt emotional already and then when I had to do my clean and press while a MILF looking Barbie with the perfect body and fake tits and a forehead that didn't move was exercising next to me.

She was chatting to Kathryn saying that she was so stressed because she hasn't eaten bread for 3 days I snapped back, darling my thighs touch!!!!

I think that she looked shocked...I mean her forehead couldn't move so I think it was shock.....and she giggled.  I finished my last set and Kathryn got me on the leg press.  I did a personal best and beasted the leg press.  I did the best weight ever!!!  We then went over to do my bench press and there was Silicon enhanced Barbie.

She was at the squat rack and was finding it hard to get the clips off the barbell.  She didn't want to break her long fake talons.

This big buff guy came over and said something along the lines of hey, do you need help?

Barbie giggled and said something along the lines of oh thank you.  I don't think I would have ever figured that out.

I seethed.  I really, really, hated this skinny bitch.

Usually women like that don't bother me.  I usually just smile and laugh it off and focus on my shit but yesterday, I could have taken a dumbbell and throttled that silicon enhanced bitch!  She just really pissed me off.

I remembered what Mama said.  If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all.  So I didn't say anything for the rest of the session.  I just went for it.

When I got to my car I burst into tears.  At that point I hated my body.  I hated the big fat flabby tummy, I hated the wobbly thighs.  I hated myself.  I wanted to go to my boyfriend and tell him to be with another woman because I was too fat and too ugly.

A wise person once said, you will get further by loving your body than hating it.  I usually believe that.

I have recently been admiring the fact that my shoulders and triceps are now popping through.  That my calf muscles are sculpted to perfection...that Kathryn is even in awe of my calf muscles.  I was seeing the results.  My measurements are going down.

Having the bronchitis has really fucked up my confidence and has sent me on an emotional rollercoaster of self loathing and self hating.  I basically have been throwing myself a Bad Body Image Pity Party.  It has made me carry resentment and rancour towards strangers.  It has made me an absolute miserable bitch to the people that I love.  I am acting in a way that is not like me.

I have been in a snit.  I have been under the weather.  But in defense, sometimes you need to release these insecurities.  I am a human after all.

In this blog, I know I keep saying it, you will get to see the reality, the good, the bad and the ugly of what I have had to go through.

The last few days have been ugly as hell.

I realized what a total ass I was on Sunday and I texted Kathryn:

"Hey you.  Feeling a bit better.  Yesterday was a disaster from start to finish.  Ended in tears.  so focusing on my diet today.  Will be in better form on Thursday.  sorry for being a total bitch yesterday xxx"

I got this response from her:

"I bet, you were completely out of character.  Good refocus, don't let other people or their diets/bodies.thoughts/etc get to you.  I am saying this because I struggle with the same thing, DO NOT compare yourself to anyone else, they are not you and don't have the same good/bad in their life, other people have issues too but most will only show you the best bits of themselves, or them on a good day...nobody posts pics on Facebook of themselves when they are bloated or on their period or full of cole saws etc!  I know what it's like to not be happy with how you look, but don't let that shit get in the way.  If you really want something you can get it but you need to focus.  I accept your apology!  Just be on your best behavior on Thursday and get back to the bitch that lifts and focuses on her own goals and nobody else's ok?!? xxx"

She is so right.  This is my journey, no one elses.  This is up to me to get my finger out of my ass and man the fuck up.

Yes, it is ok to have a bad self esteem day but those are the days where you need to be nice to yourself and take care of your body the most.  Those are the days where you have to give yourself a mental hug and those are the days that it's ok to cry.

But remember why you started.  Remember why you get up at stupid o clock to work out.  Remember why you say no to ice cream and yes to fruit.  Those are the days were you need to give yourself a pat on the back and to be proud what you have accomplished/

This journey is hard.  It is the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life.  but I need to do this for my physical health and mental health.  It's a journey that is personal to me.  So personal and close that I am crying as I write this.

I am rambling on so I will close with this.  Fall down 7 times, get up eight.  Be strong and keep going.

On a Great Workout Session and No More Antibiotics!!!

Breakfast:  Banana and Alpro Soy yogurt

Snack:  Cucumbers, red peppers and houmous

Lunch:  John West Tuna with sundried tomato couscous lunch pot (This was ok...not impressed totally)

Dinner:  Turkey, bacon and avocado spinach salad

Exercise:

A kick ass mother fucking awesome session with Kathryn!!

Thoughts:

Firstly, let's all rejoice!!  Anti Biotics are gone!  Done!  No more!  (Cue loads of happy dancing!!!)  I feel tired.  Exhausted.  Pooped.  My tummy is still massive.  I struggled to get through the working day.

But I am looking forward.  I have overcome a massive hurdle.  It's now time to shake that off and move on.

So back to Spinning tomorrow.  I have also signed up for a bikram yoga class.  Amazing!!  I am excited!!!  It's every Saturday morning and you burn more calories because it's hot.  I read that with my current weight I can burn about 930 calories doing an hour of Bikram Yoga.  That's amazing!!!!  I am so excited to start!

I ran it past Kathryn and she thinks it's a great idea as a way to destress and relax plus you burn shitloads of calories so it's all good!!!

Onwards and upwards!!!

Bread Cravings and the Side Effects of Antibiotics

Breakfast:  Strawberries and grapes

Lunch:  Chicken, cucumber, red pepper, feta (goat and sheep milk) and spinach salad with a teriyaki, white wine vinegar and olive oil dressing (this turned out amazing!!!!)

Dinner Chilli with rice

Water:  2 liters

Exercise:  Rested

Thoughts:

Ok, These Antibiotics are seriously pissing me off.  I have 1 more day of this to go,.  Yes, my bronchitis is gone.  But in exchange for that I am suffering from the following:  Exhaustion, light headedness, thrush, insomnia, constipation and I have developed a sore on the side of my mouth.  I feel and look a mess.

I am upset, to be honest.  Upset that I got sick.  I was doing so well.  I was in the zone, making strides.  My motivation was up there.  This bout of sickness really KO'd me and my confidence.  My tummy was getting flatter and now it is big and bloated.  I mean it's massive.  I am not farting or anything but I can't poop.  It's irritating.

But I need to put this into perspective.  Firstly, I didn't die.  Secondly, I still have use of my legs and my limbs and body for that matter.  Thirdly, I finish my antibiotics tomorrow!!!!!  This nightmare will end tomorrow!!!!

So I need to wipe my tears away, remember my motivation and stop craving bread.

Yes, you read that right.  I am having the worst cravings for bread.  Toasted bread with melted butter on top...mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...I have never been a bread craver but I am totally and utterly craving this stuff.  It's what I am thinking about all the time.  Warm, buttery toast....

But warm buttery toast is going to put myself backwards, not where I need to be.  Warm buttery toast is going to destroy my goals.  Everything that I worked for.  IT'S NOT WORTH IT!!!

So I have written this mantra down.  "I am not a slave to food.  I do not need it to make me happy.  Happiness is my body measurements and weight on the scale going down."

I have put that at my desk, in my wallet and I plan to put it on my refrigerator at home.  Anything to keep me on track.

This was a little pimple on the ass of life...it's nothing....a gnat's ass as my best friend would say!

So I look forward to an awesome session with Kathryn tomorrow morning and to get my body back into shape.

Back in Training Form

Breakfast:  Vanilla Soy Yogurt with Strawberries and Blueberries

Snack:  Cucumbers and Red Pepper with Houmous

Lunch:  Low Fat Chicken Chow Mein

Snack:  Banana

Dinner:  Chicken Pepper Stir Fry

Dessert:  Lemon and Lime Soy Yogurt

Exercise:

30 minutes of cardio

Thoughts

Last Thursday the sickness came to a head.  I went to the doctors and they said it was bronchitis.  So I have been resting and taking my meds (which have caused some side effects that I don't really want:  insomnia, thrush, bloating, constipation, and light headedness) and I am recovering slowly.  Today I decided that I was going to go back to the gym and get myself eating healthily again.

the hard bit will be to get up in the morning to go to the gym but after Thursday I am finished with my course of antibiotics so I should get back to normalcy soon, fingers crossed.

I also had a dose of motivation delivered to me today.  I bought skirt that has a 32 inch waist and 42 inch hips.  I am determined to be in that skirt by April.  It's a black and white striped maxi skirt.  I have the outfit planned out in my head.  I see myself wearing a black vest, my black platform wedge sandals, that skirt and silver accessories.  I see me walking through the Liverpool city center without a care in the world with a waist line that I can be proud of.

So I went to the gym in the evening after work and did 30 minutes of cardio. It wasn't much but it was something. 

Tomorrow will be better and each day I'll get stronger. Soon I'll be back fighting fit!

On Having a Break and Having a Cold

Hi All!

I am sorry that I have been away.  I went to Amsterdam on January 30th and then when I got back I was KO'd by a chest cold. (I am still suffering)  So I haven't been to the gym.

It was seriously irritating and aggravating as I was doing so well.  I was building up good momentum and in the "zone".

The trip to Amsterdam taught me a lot about my eating habits.  Because I was eating at certain times a day, if I missed a meal, I got proper narky.  Like, really narky.  I had the shakes, I felt light headed and I became a total bitch.  So lesson learned.  You need to eat!!!

I did eat some naughty things but I made up for it by walking everywhere.  My pedometer said that that on the Saturday I walked a massive 17,563 steps!!!  My legs felt it!!  So when I got back I weighed myself and I only gained 1 pound.  Considering that I ate some foods that I shouldn't have, I didn't get good sleep I consider that a good result.

When I got home, I didn't feel too good.  I put it down to not eating well.  I then found that I came down with a bitch of a chest cold.  I mean, it's bad.  Really bad.

It started out with a horrible cough.  This cough hurt my throat to the point of tears.  It felt like someone was ripping my throat with a rake.  I would get coughing fits that would leave me without a voice and loads of tears.  Pretty grim.

I basically spent last week just resting as best as I could.  My appetite is non existent and my energy levels....depleted.  I just literally felt like I had all the energy sucked out of me.  My eating has been sporadic.

On the plus side, I lost the pound that I gained from Amsterdam but not in a good way.

So tonight I had a training session with Kathryn.  It was hard but I pushed my body through it.  I need to get back into the groove and back on course.

I get angry as I feel like I go 2 steps forward and 12 steps back.  So this week I am doing everything I can to get back to normalcy.  After all I have a gorgeous jumpsuit to get into for Saturday!  So onwards and upwards!  Let's get back to normal and back to losing the weight correctly, safely and healthily!!!

On Having the Blues

Breakfast:  Grape and Strawberry Fruit Salad

Lunch:  Carrots, Cucumbers and red pepper with reduced fat houmous

Dinner:  Chicken Stirfry

Exercise:  None

Thoughts:

Ok, something has happened.  I slept like the dead last night but I have woken up with a case of the blues.  The feeling of doom and gloom.  A feeling of hatred and upset over my body.  I have been on the verge of tears all day with some pretty ugly thoughts going through my head.  Even when my working colleague and fellow fitness buddy (who is an ex fitness instructor) was telling me how fabulous his workout was I didn't even muster my usual interest (he's been a great support for me and we have been supporting each other) and I just wanted to tell him to shut up.

I had a cry in the bathroom before a meeting with a supplier and today I actually wanted to carb out on toast.  I wanted to take the loaf of bread in the kitchen at work and toast it all and eat it.  The craving was massive.  The thing is I thought I got over the craving!!!!!!!  So I was feeling shitty about that.

Today was shit.  It was so shockingly bad.  I stuck to eating perfectly but I kept on thinking, why am I doing this?  I'm fat.  I will never get there.  I will never get into my jeans.

I know that this is all bull shit but for some reason I am feeling this way.  I honestly don't know why.
Tomorrow I have a great session lined up with Kathryn and I know I will be back to normal then.  So in the meantime I will just cry into my peppermint tea.

On the First Little Victory

Breakfast:  Porridge with fresh blueberries, raspberries and strawberries

Lunch:  Spinach and chicken pasta salad with cashews and a teriyaki sauce

Dinner:  Chicken Stirfry

Dessert:  My last Muller Light Vanilla with a Cherry under layer....soooooooooooooooooo good!!!

Exercise:  Kathryn's circuit

Thoughts:

I decided to go to the gym in the evening for 2 reasons.  First, my boyfriend's snores kept me up all night.  I even recorded them, played them back (he didn't think he snored) and I have given him an ultimatum....either get it sorted or I move into the spare bedroom.  Simple.

And Kathryn is in work in the evening in the gym.  Why?  I'm not stalking her but having her there will help push me in my workout.

But the main thing is today I recorded my first victory.

I was feeling groggy and tired so today I decided to wear my new bootcut jeans.  I bought these cheap as my fat jeans as I was lacking in a pair of boot cut jeans.  I have worn these twice and both times they have given me a very unflattering muffin top.  Well, today they don't!

Yup!  My jeans are fitting me nicely.  There is no muffin top and they are feeling and looking good.  I could easily pull the waistband out.  And before you doubters start making conspiracy theories....these jeans were freshly washed.

Yes, I fit into a pair of jeans that were tight and when I put them on, they were freshly washed....no jeans dance!!!!  Life.  Is.  Good!!!!

So I am taking this little victory and going with it!  It is proof that what I am doing is working.  I have noticed that the no dairy angle is also very good.  No tummy cramps, no bloating, no feeling gross.  So I think that I have tackled that issue.

All I need to do is get the boyfriend to sort his snoring problem out!!